Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The Illumin-Oscars

After watching the Oscars, or, well, reading about the results the next day, my discriminating eyes couldn't help but detect the overwhelming appearance of Illuminati symbols throughout the ceremony. I know this subject—much like that ten-year old scab on your upper thigh/groinis one that should be left alone, but the potential consequences of this blog post bear no weight against the tension that builds on my soul. These secrets desire—nay, need to see the light of day.

Therefore, I shall break down just a few of the Illuminati symbols that aired unapologetically and defiantly before the eyes of the entire human race.

The Pizza Guy

Red and white, representing the duality of Heaven and Hell.

This was undoubtedly the most abundantly clear Illuminati ritual of the evening. Overlooking the obvious red attire representing the pizza boy's alliance with Satan, what food item embodies the command structure of the Illuminati more than pizza?

The triangular, pyramid-like shape of a slice of pizza represents the top-down command structure adopted by the Illuminati. Seeing the celebrities, or should I say Illuminati puppets, consuming these brainwashing and possibly mind-controlling slices of pizza was almost enough to make me get up off my couch and do something, almost.

John Travolta's Idina Menzel "Flub"


Adele Dazim? How do you get that monstrosity out of "Idina Menzel"? Wow, Travolta, I don't think I've heard a flub that bad since Rutherford Hayes capsized his canoe while taking the Delaware in 1942. Or... was it really a flub to begin with? With the pressure of my sound, focused curiosity, I decided to run "Adele Dazim" through the Google Translate database.


Aha, just as I thought. It wasn't a flub at all; it was an incantation. He was calling upon the Illuminati officers and his reptilian brothers to begin their incursion against those who seek to unveil the atrocities forming behind-the-scenes at the Illuminati headquarters, located 5 million miles below sea-level. 

Overwhelming Presence of Skulls

A common tool in nearly every Illuminati ritual is a skull. Being a symbol of mortality, skulls are used to initiate new members into the Illuminati.

And where were these skulls present at the Oscars, one may ask...?

Baw, that's cute. They think they're normal.

That's right, the celebripuppets smuggled them into the event inside of their heads. How sick and twisted can one be? I've heard of sneaking candy into a movie theater inside your pockets, but never have I heard of using your head as a pocket to smuggle skulls into a highly prestigious, televised event.

Now, if a blog post featuring such significant evidence doesn't wake you up, then I feel sorry for you. The Illuminati has the human race by the balls. 

So, let me ask you this, World, are you ready to take your balls back?

16 comments:

  1. Don't forget, Pink performed, pink is a shade of red!
    You're so right about the pizza. I've been saying the pyramid shape of slices and the fact that they're cutting a circular, Earth-shaped pie, essentially "dissecting the globe". That's why I only order the pan pizza that's in the square shape.

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    1. Damn, how did I miss that? Pink is the most sinister shade of red.
      Also, you've opened my eyes to more than just that; cutting off the tips of the slices of pizza is no longer enough to cloak the symbols.

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  2. Are you trying to tell me that my favourite cartoon, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was actually a propaganda video by the illuminati? With the copious amount of pizza they ate, no doubt they pledged to become shills of the secret, reptillian government and indoctrinate our children. Down with cartoons! Down with Pizza Hut!

    By the way, this was utterly hilarious.

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    1. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon is a way of of desensitizing us to the reptilians that orchestrate the Illuminati. That way when they emerge from their lairs, we won't be as fearful. In fact, we may even welcome them over for some pizza.
      And, thanks, Addman!

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  3. Illuminati propaganda and symbolism makes the show a lot less frustrating to me. First time through, Bette Midler singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" seemed impossible holey and mind-numbingly awful to me.

    Now I realize it was probably just symbolism I wasn't understanding...

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    1. Everything's a symbol. Once you understand the abstract symbolism, you'll no longer wondering what the hell is going on. Why is ordering pizza funny? How did a Sandra Bullock movie get so much attention? Why is everyone so happy? All these questions suddenly become less burdensome.

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  4. I read a book that exposed the Illuminati once, and then I watched a movie and the images went into my SKULL and took out the information. Illuminati Hollywood Bastards.

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    1. Damn it! Does their sorcery know no bounds? We'll uncover the truth one day, and this time... permenantly.

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  5. I hear they killed Matthew Mcconaughey years ago, and the cyborg that replaced him has gone on an acting rampage, taking serious roles that the previous "let's take off our shirt, bro" human version would have never done. Some might call me crazy, but look at the way he glitched out during his acceptance speech and talked incessantly about time travel (him in the future). I'm onto you, Robo Mcconaughey... Even if no one else is.

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    1. I'm onboard with your theory. Have you seen Fool's Gold? That movie is irredeemably bad. There's no way someone in that movie could make a comeback and win an Oscar. There's definitely something awry.

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  6. And Tom Hanks was there (or wasn't, I didn't watch), and he's a professional Illuminati hunter. I'm sure this means something.

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    1. They probably got under his skin. Literally. That's what they do. They replace your insides. It may have looked like Hanks, but I assure you, it was not.

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  7. Yet another example of your wondrously warped mind, Chiz. I look forward to your next offering.

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    1. Hopefully I can get over this slump and provide you with more warped material in the near future.

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  8. Comedic sarcasm at its best. This does prove that the mind is a powerful thing and reality is what decide to make of our environment.

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    1. Thanks, Electric Addict! I appreciate the kind words as well as the visit.

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