Tuesday, February 4, 2014

A Lesson Learned: 11-Year-Old Cupcake Dealer Believes She's Above The Law

Article: Frosted: Health Department Shuts Down 11-year-old’s Cupcake Business

Synopsis:

An 11-year-old girl earns money to buy a car by selling cupcakes to friends and family. She also donates the confectionery goods to fundraisers to help those in need. However, the Health Department caught wind of her nefarious actions and laid the authoritative smack-down on Chloe and her unsanctioned business due to her lack of permit and certified kitchen.

A symbol of injustice.

Lesson Learned:

Children think they are impervious to the undiscriminating fist of the law. To them, the law is like the inconsistent writings of a blogger, namely one called Chiz: The point of the law is not always clear and typically holds no significance. Chloe is no exception to this gross generalization.

If anything, the Health Department saved Chloe. The repercussions of her selfish, thoughtless actions could have caused her heartache and tons and tons of money. Just imagine, Mr. Beggard buys a cupcake from Chloe. Little does Mr. Beggard know, the cupcake he ate does not sit well with the two liters of gin and four double-bacon cheeseburgers he consumed three minutes prior. Now, guess who's going to wind up footing the bill for the two minutes Mr. Beggard spent spewing technicolor all over his bathroom? Someone has to be responsible for his brief bout of barfing. If not for the Health Department, Chloe would likely wind up paying the $100,000 in damages to Mr. Beggard caused by her negligence.

If you won't listen to me, at least listen to Jesus.

Now, if I was Chloe's mother, I'd turn her in the direction of a safer and more rewarding business: Drug dealing. But doesn't the country pour billions of dollars into fighting the War on Drugs? Yes, there lies the issue. Drug dealers who are just getting their feet wet are the main targets in this war. However, with enough hard work and perseverance, Chloe could escape this dangerous group and become one of the main suppliers, the people in the business least likely to be caught.

Chloe's already shown her disrespect of the law, but she's also demonstrated something else: Her dedication to hard work and forward thinking. I believe she has the attitude and willpower it takes to one day lead a cartel and cast aside this disgusting, selfish confectionery business.

I guess this is a female Scarface.

16 comments:

  1. I don't know about you but I feel a little bit safer knowing our government is keeping thugs like Chloe off the streets. I think I'm going to buy some more guns too. Just to be safe.

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    1. I just saw a baked goods stand in front of my town's church. There goes the neighborhood.

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  2. I'm going to be in the minority here, but I side with the authorities.
    THAT'S RIGHT, I SIDE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE OUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND!
    Can you imagine Chloe's gross--neigh, super vile hands groping around, squishing in and throughout the batter? Vile.
    Try not to be gross, children, please.

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    1. Nothing's worse than those ne'er-do-wells over that the girl scout headquarters. It's organized crime, and the authorities sit by idly at these girl's rake in the cash of their illicit business.

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  3. I love the mocking tone of this post, highlighting the perverse priorities of the western world. Personally, I wish Chloe every success with her new drug-dealing venture - given her industry and initiative I'm confident she will reach the dizzy heights of the criminal world.

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    1. Being highlighted in the newspaper for criminal activity isn't a good start for her, but I have no doubt she'll find a way to climb the tower. However, she needs to lay low for a while, in the meantime.

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  4. The good thing about hooking up with the cartel is that they know the right politicians to pay off to guarantee they don't get shut down.

    Chloe will know better next time. I hope her criminal past doesn't keep her out of college.

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    1. Good point. Chloe just has to single out the government officials who have an insatiable sweet tooth. That way she can carry on her illicit activities and even have protection from the law.

      And, with a criminal record like her's, it's a wonder she's not rotting in jail.

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  5. I just think the government should take an interest in more pressing matters, like getting monkeys hooked on nicotine to study the health effects of cigarette smoking, weaning monkeys off of cigarettes, smoking monkey porn, introducing monkeys to e-cigs, nonsmoking monkey porn, you know, the important things, we all want our tax dollars to go towards.

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    1. Hell, with the amount of taxes I pay, we should be able to hire monkeys to study monkeys.

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  6. That'll teach her for trying to do something with her young life! Doesn't she know that in America she's supposed to be shoving her fat face full of cupcakes, not making them fresh and selling them for a modest profit? What a jackass. God, I hope her parents spanked her SO hard.

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    1. I really hope she was required to relinquish her illicitly earned funds into the caring hands of the Health Department. The world would be better with less Chloe's around.

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  7. Sad thing is, she'll be right back out on the streets in no time. Keep the PoPo close!

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    1. I think it's time for some vigilante justice. I'm going to sabotage her cupcake stand.

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  8. Sounds like the folks in the Health Department have too much time on their hands!

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    1. They're trying everything in an attempt to avoid more layoffs.

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