Chiz Chat is back, and boy, do I have an offer for you!
Has the iPhone become too mainstream for you? Are you filled with sadness and despair knowing that you are no longer one of a kind? Does the very thought of sharing one thing in common with the rest of humanity send your heart through an emotional shredder of emotional distress? Well, regain your individuality with the #YOLOPhone.
Go ahead and pat yourself on the back as you scoff at those passerby talking on their primitive iPhones. Relish the spotlight as the mindless drones flock to you for your approval. You're one of a kind, and you can prove that by purchasing the #YOLOPhone!
*Buy now and receive a complimentary headset, perfect for hands-free chat.
*Also, act fast, and you'll be eligible to receive another free gift, the hands-free face chat machine.
*Oh, and that's not all! With an additional payment of only $14.95, you can receive a bird crap deflection contraption.
*You think that's all? You must be a complete idiot! Add $5 to your order and shine bright with a hands-free spotlight!
*Call in the next 4 years and receive a brand new bumper device! Now you can devote all your attention to your phone and not have to worry about colliding with those pesky pedestrians.
Become a new you, and order today by calling this expensive toll-free hotline: 1 (800) URE-COOL