Thursday, August 1, 2013

Practical 'For Dummies' Books

While skimming through the depths of Amazon, I noticed that every one of my inane searches resulted in the discovery of a truly significant and useful For Dummies book. So, I decided to see what other helpful For Dummies guides I could find. Here's a list of a few of the most practical books I could find:

You want me to stick my what in where!?

Are you a 40-something year old having issues reconnecting with that high school crush that wasn't aware of your existence?

Photography is my muse, but for the love of God, I can't get my dog to stand still long enough for me to snap a picture of him wearing a toupee. 

The last step separating me from a place amongst the stars.

A handy guide for the reclusive hoarder.

For those times when you really just don't give a fuck.

You mean you've been attending those pointless rehab sessions this entire time?
Oh, you foolish druggie, you.

Ah, this whole time I've been arranging my animals by gender instead of by species.
Thanks, Farmville For Dummies!

So, they say there are words in these puzzles, but I don't see any. 
How do I know they're telling the truth?

Because simply not believing isn't enough anymore.

18 comments:

  1. What? I mean, just, what? Farmville for Dummies? I mean, the others were banal, but Farmville? That's the least likely game to need a strategy guide.

    I always hoped they would do a Ventriloquism for Dummies. Or perhaps Brothers In Law for Dummies written by Joy off of My Name Is Earl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, they had a Minecraft for Dummies, which is essentially just a virtual Lego simulator.

      And, I'm wouldn't be surprised if those books already exist.

      Delete
  2. Three of these already occupy my bookcase, and I've just placed an order for the other seven. As for the sex one, I'm the source of the detailed case-vignette!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nooo, that means you're closer to being a Space Explorer than I. Ah, the competition is rising!

      Delete
  3. The "Word Searches for Dummies" one is great.

    If the author was worth a damn, he'd have written the whole thing as one giant word search.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that would be the straw that breaks the back individual's mental-camel sending them spiraling into a void of difunctional insanity.

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Nope. I think you just found a new project to work on.

      Delete
  5. Where's Masturbating for Dummies? Just asking, not that I need it or anything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I checked just to make sure. I'm sure that's already someone's work in progress.

      Delete
  6. I think the scariest thing about this is actually, there's a very high chance these are all real.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I got them all off the "For Dummies" website, so you better believe they're real as the hair on your head.

      Delete
  7. The sad thing is at least three of those titles would be useful for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, I wouldn't mind skimming the pages of a select few of these. Mostly out of curiousity, I swear.

      Delete
  8. God, these books are so stupid and brainless. Completely lacking in any form of logic.

    I know, let's grab our Logic for Dummies handbook!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're meddling with forces beyond your control. Pretty soon logic will lead to reasoning, and then this slippery slope will lead you all the way down to Breathing for Dummies. I've seen it many times before.

      Delete