Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Video Games: Altering Perceptions of Reality

Recently, video games have been gaining some flack in the media. Some believe that increases in societal  violence are the result of overly graphic video games transcending their virtual boundaries and extending into reality through the fragile minds of our younger generation. So, in hopes of jumping on the media bandwagon and receiving a fat stack of cash, I've decided to do a bit of research of my own.

I turned first to a series of video games so popular that it is single-handedly responsible for doubling the sale of psychiatric medication: Pokemon. Pokemon is a strategy-based game where the player crams cute, little wilderness creatures into baseball-sized containment capsules. These animals are then called upon to fight one another in hopes that they'll be fortunate to see the light of another day. The goal of this game is to be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them is their real test; to train them is their cause.

Fight animals to gain fame and wealth. Source

As I traveled across the internet, searching far and wide, I came across a very familiar article dating back to 2007 centering around the NFL player Michael Vick. This man pleaded guilty to running a dog fighting ring out of his backyard.

I could only find this picture of Chris Rock on steroids.
Granted, Michael Vick looks very similar. Source

Intrigued, I decided to give the man a ring. It took much coaxing to convince this man to disclose the required information. After describing the following is our conversation:

Me: Greetings, Mr. Vick. This is Chiz, the famous author of the sensational blog Chiz Chat. With readers nearly reaching the double-digits, I figured mine was the best forum to convey the importance of video game violence awareness.
Mr. Vick: I don't play video games.
Me: Now that there is a bold-faced lie, sir. I've seen you in the Madden franchise. How can you be in a video game yet not play them? In fact, I've found your dog fighting venture closely resembled the concept of a world-renowned video game. Mr. Vick, have you ever played Pokemon?
Mr. Vick: No.
Me: No? But, if you had to choose a favorite video game, would the likelihood of you choosing Pokemon be great?

Unfortunately, at this point in the interview we were somehow disconnected (An audible clicking sound followed by dead air), but it's more than a gut-instinct that leads me to believe his answer was going to be a Yes. Therefore, it is conclusive that since his favorite video game involves the ruthless abuse of cute critters, he subconsciously carried out his virtual desire into reality.

But, I decided that I'd need one more piece of evidence if I wanted this story to go public (double the evidence that's required for normal news stories). So I headed to the community playground to interview one of the many nerds that frequent the jungle gyms.

 
An accurate portrayal of me at the playground. Source

I surveyed the park looking for the best interviewee when my eyes fell upon a girl sitting atop the slide playing a Nintendo DS. Before her mother maced me, phoned the police, and chased me out of the playground with a swiss army knife, I managed to get quite a bit of harrowing information from her.

Me: Hello, what do you got there?
Girl: My mom said not to talk to strangers.
Me: You mean you don't recognize me? I'm the author of the wildly successful Chiz Chat! I have tens of followers!
Girl: My mom said not to talk to strangers.
Me: Right, you already said that, but I'm an adult, so it's okay. So, what's that game you're playing?
Girl: It's Pony Friends.

The controversial game about horse mating. Source

Me: Pony Friends. Fantastic. Say, do you ever find this game transcending its virtual realm into your own reality?
Girl: What...? Where's my mom?
Me: Hmm... Let me try a different approach. What do you want to be when you are older?
Girl: I want to train ponies! A pony trainer!
Me: Aha! Now we're getting somewhere. And, if you could be any animal, what would be you're foremost choice?
Girl: A pony!
Me: So, you'd agree that the content of Pony Friends is leaking out of that cartridge and manifesting itself into your own reality?

However, this was around the time her mother assaulted me unprovoked; so I was unable to garner a confirmation. Though, I knew beyond doubt that I had gotten through to the girl.

As you can see, with the help of this overwhelmingly concrete evidence, video games actually do influence peoples' perceptions of reality. Therefore, wouldn't you agree that it's well overdue that these mind-altering mechanisms be banned and replaced by less harmful substances such as reality television and teen magazines? I'll let you decide.

18 comments:

  1. If it's any help for your research, I firmly believe that I can grow bigger if I eat the mushrooms that I find inside pipes.

    Sometimes, when I've eaten enough of those mushrooms, I see coins hovering in the air and I gather them.

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    1. I hope you're not the one responsible for the recent outbreak of serial-stomping transgressions that have befallen the local turtle community.

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  2. Your science seems pretty solid to me. I'm convinced.

    As a side note, I've decided to create a pony fighting video game. Something tells me it would be huge. I'll let you know when it is finished.

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    1. I'll invest in this venture so long as you name one of the pony fighters Zebra. It'd be funny because ponies aren't zebras.

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  3. I think your hypothesis is spot on Chiz.
    I myself, like to play 'Touch DIC', (yes it really does exist) a dictionary and translation game for the Nintendo DS, using the console's touch-happy stylus.
    It's definitely a game that transcends its virtual realm into my own reality, as I really do like to...er...translate words...ahem... :)

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    1. I have a game called 'Flick Beans'. It's, erm, exactly what the title suggests. Yeah...

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  4. How are you not in jail? In your stylish "flasher coat" and dark glasses you should have been maced before you ever got the first word out. In fact when I saw that picture I swore I had accidently jumped to a pedo site or PeeWee's Playhouse and that the goon squad would soon beat down my door. You are trouble mister...I can see that.

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    1. Because I am the law!

      Oh, and I have, like, twenty versions of Monopoly, so I have a fat stack of get out of jail free cards.

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  5. Makes sense. But please tell me Pony Friends isn't an actual thing that exists in this world. Sometimes, when I wake up, I try to stretch up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start, but can never find the right places to touch on myself. But that doesn't stop me from trying.

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    1. Well, breaking character, it was quite disturbing the lengths I had to go to find a simple pony game to use for this post. It does exist, however. And there is a 2nd one, too.

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  6. I'm still angry at the Legend of Zelda for lying to me all these years. I chop up grass or bushes with a sword, and I don't get coins popping out. I just get hay fever. The only time I get coins is from my senile old neighbor who thinks I'm cutting his lawn, but he also thinks it's 1945 so he pays me in nickels. Cheap-ass.

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    1. Well, I suppose that's more acceptable than the time I walked into my neighbors house and started shattering pots in search for enough coinage to purchase the new Mario Party.

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  7. I have been known to paint myself blue and bounce around on people's heads when they piss me off. Do you think I'm affected?

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    1. It could be. It could also be that you're listening to too much Sonic Syndrome.

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  8. Investigative journalism at its best.

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    1. All my posts are backed by completely true facts and firsthand experiences.

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  9. Which explains why I am completely and utterly untouched by perceptions of reality. I've never played a video game. I've never even seen one. As a matter of fact, I don't even believe they exist. I think you made them up. Which is odd seeing as how you're a figment of my imagination.

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    1. In that case, I've always wanted to be a dolphin. Can you think of me as a dolphin from now on?

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