Friday, February 8, 2013

A Dragon's Tale

I'm stuck in Blizzard Nemo at the moment. Nothing too harrowing as of yet, but I've been cleaning my room because I've been suffering from cabin fever all day. Among the jewels and gems I've been stumbling upon, I found one of the deepest and most fervid pieces of literature that has ever left my pencil. To ensure that you all appreciate this masterpiece, I present it to you verbatim (spelling mistakes and all). Nestle into your recliner, light the fireplace ablaze, and grab a cup of warm cocoa, and get lost in the wonder that is:

A Dragon's Tale

Once upon a time 10,000 dragons lived in a world of danger there were little dragons and big dragons. They were brown and black and every color you could imagine! And thin and fat dragons, too. Some were smart and some were dumb. The smart ones got all the good food and the dumb ones got less food. The cute ones had lots of friends. The not-so-cute ones also had lots of friends. The tall ones could ride bikes and the small ones rode skateboards. There were beautiful trees and caves. There were poke-a-dotted and striped ones. There was a dragon named Smokey. He was the littlest dragon of them all. The big dragons made fun of him because he was little. The little ones likes him because he is little like them. Smokey called for his friends, Clyed, and Shall, to go play kickball at the field. Clyde went to get his ball. They all met at the field at 2:00 a.m.. Then they began to play. Clyde sied he was he was first base. Shall seid she was second base. And Smokey sied he was kicker. Then Smokey seid but who's going to be third base a picher. Then they saw two little dragons playing on the other side of the field. One was green and one was yellow. Smokey seid hay do you want to play to the two little dragons. Then they seid ok. Smokey seid his name and Clyde seid his name and Shall seid her name and the two dragons seid their names. The yellow dragons name was Steve and the green dragons name was Cloyed. Then they played. Then they saw something in the reeds. It was brown and fluffy and it had red eyes and it was a monster. They ran then they ran faster yelling YIKES A MONSTER! They cried out mother and father! Then they ran to their homes. Then next morning they met at the church. They thought for a moment then they all said ('bout fuckin' time I spell it right) are you thinking what I'm thinking and they all seid (-.-) YES! And want to know what they thought they thought that monster wasn't a monster they thought it was the big dragons Jam, Flop, and Jeff. So they thought of a plan. The next morning they put their halloween costumes on. They were monster costumes. In a couple of minutes they met at the playground. Then they hid behind a bush and spied on the big dragons. So when they got close they would jump out at them and scare them. Then they got close and they jumped out at them and scare them. And they lived happily ever after.

The End
Hay you want to play kickball?

I was going to break down the political and social implications portrayed in this work of art, but this whole process has been emotionally draining. So, I'll leave it up to you to decipher the meaning of the story.

Also, if one of you smooth talking English folk would like to do a voice over of this, that'd be grand.

Alright, bye.

20 comments:

  1. I would attempt to do a voice over of it but I'm not sure I could convey the beauty, the depth, and the emotion of the piece. I can feel Smokey's pain and to me the piece is about how even the smallest of people, or dragons in this case, can overcome the largest of challenges by working together with their friends.

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    1. Ah, that's too bad. I think your voice would match perfectly. And I very much like your breakdown as opposed to my over-analytic one.

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  2. You wrote this in grade school, right? Coz no one gets out of high school not knowing how to spell "said". Unless they've done a lot of drugs!

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    1. I hope I did. I found it among all my kindergarten/elementary school stuff lodged in the back of my dresser. Most writing I do while I'm on drugs ends up getting eaten by a three headed dragon anyway.

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  3. This post works on many levels. But it's focus seems to be based mainly on the ethical consequences, as well as the social impact of...what the bloody hell am I talking about? It's a story about bloody talking dragons for feck sake!

    I did laugh hard at, "The cute ones had lots of friends. The not-so-cute ones also had lots of friends". I thought somehow, that last sentence was going to pan out differently. :)

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    1. Well, it's easy to live happily ever after following your recent success in a genius plan such as jumping out of a bush and scaring taller people. But, yeah, I'm assuming your breakdown is a lot more accurate than whatever the hell I wrote up there.

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  4. I really don't think you'd want me involved with your voice over. Who ever heard of a dragon with a high pitched, Tiny Tim voice?

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    1. Well, Smokey IS a tiny dragon. Perhaps it would be quite fitting.

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  5. I will do your voice over. I don't have a rich thick dreamy English accent, but I have a really bad dorky fake Australian accent. Will that do... mate?

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    1. An Australian would work wonderfully. A New Zealand accent just might take the cake, but I entrust this task unto you! Can't wait to hear the final product. I'll submit it as a blog post all its own!

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  6. I did a voice recording, but laughed a lot during it.

    Great story, dude. Makes me want to post some of my old stuff.

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    1. Haha, nice! You should post it. I want to hear it.

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  7. Well, we're officially retiring from writing after reading this piece. We just can't compete. If you need me, I'll be living under a bridge eating soup out of an old boot and contemplating suicide on an hourly basis.

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    1. Rightfully so, I must unfortunately say. I've just shipped the story off to every major publishing company. I'm out to accept the highest offer.

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  8. Idea for the sequel: Clyed and Cloyed turn out to be brothers, the products of an incestuous relationship.

    Do you need an English guy to do a voiceover? If so, I'll see if I have a microphone anywhere.

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    1. Seeing as this story is sure to rake in the big bucks, I'm more than willing to bet the sequel will only boost sales.

      And, it's not so much that I need a voiceove in that I really want one because I think it would be hilarious. If you could do one that'd be incredibly awesome. If people actually submit some I'll make a post dedicated to them.

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  9. As a kid you must have had stamina; the stories I wrote at the same age typically comprised about three short sentences.

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    1. I'm surprised I even recognized the difference between 'there' and 'their'. I wish I had dated the piece.

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    1. Do I ever put out anything short of a masterpiece? Of course not. *toot toot* (that's me tooting my own horn)

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