Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day And The Flower Giving Tradition

How have flowers become one of the hallmarks of Valentine's Day? Don't get me wrong, flowers are lovely and smell like every other plant, but it's February; flowers aren't able to naturally blossom in the dead of winter.This begs the question of what came first, Valentine's Day's appointed date or the tradition of buying flowers for your significant other? If it's the latter, then why not designate some date in Spring for Valentine's Day? That way we could actually traverse the wildness and put effort into creating an extravagant bouquet rather than rushing to the flower shop the day of and be overcharged for things that grow in our own yard just a few more months down the line.
These will make an excellent addition to the bouquet.
 I mean, I may just be looking for an excuse to venture through the woods alone in my backyard without my neighbor's suspecting some sort of foul play, but you can't argue that actually applying oneself to constructing an elaborate display of strategically arranged dead plants is more meaningful than simply buying some.
"Would you live to add a message for $42?"
I suppose I may just be ripping off the ol' "make a card of instead of buying one" rant, but that doesn't denounce the fact that I'm on to something. Sure, I may just be desperate for ways to cut spending on Valentine's Day in exchange for a little added effort, and sure, I may just be searching for excuses as to why I can't focus on more "important" issues and errands because I'd be busy frolicking through fields in search of pretty flowers. But, you know what? I have no idea where I'm going with this. It doesn't even apply to me since I'm getting an Edible Arrangement instead of flowers. Why must I feel so fervent about subjects that hold no bearing over me? Because I'm crazy, that's why! (Actually, I'd say it was more of an endurance test. How long could I ramble on about nothing?)

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day, and don't be one of those Debby Downers who complains about the imposed consumerism and commercialization of the "Hallmark Holiday." Put that subject on the back burner until next week.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 8, 2013

A Dragon's Tale

I'm stuck in Blizzard Nemo at the moment. Nothing too harrowing as of yet, but I've been cleaning my room because I've been suffering from cabin fever all day. Among the jewels and gems I've been stumbling upon, I found one of the deepest and most fervid pieces of literature that has ever left my pencil. To ensure that you all appreciate this masterpiece, I present it to you verbatim (spelling mistakes and all). Nestle into your recliner, light the fireplace ablaze, and grab a cup of warm cocoa, and get lost in the wonder that is:

A Dragon's Tale

Once upon a time 10,000 dragons lived in a world of danger there were little dragons and big dragons. They were brown and black and every color you could imagine! And thin and fat dragons, too. Some were smart and some were dumb. The smart ones got all the good food and the dumb ones got less food. The cute ones had lots of friends. The not-so-cute ones also had lots of friends. The tall ones could ride bikes and the small ones rode skateboards. There were beautiful trees and caves. There were poke-a-dotted and striped ones. There was a dragon named Smokey. He was the littlest dragon of them all. The big dragons made fun of him because he was little. The little ones likes him because he is little like them. Smokey called for his friends, Clyed, and Shall, to go play kickball at the field. Clyde went to get his ball. They all met at the field at 2:00 a.m.. Then they began to play. Clyde sied he was he was first base. Shall seid she was second base. And Smokey sied he was kicker. Then Smokey seid but who's going to be third base a picher. Then they saw two little dragons playing on the other side of the field. One was green and one was yellow. Smokey seid hay do you want to play to the two little dragons. Then they seid ok. Smokey seid his name and Clyde seid his name and Shall seid her name and the two dragons seid their names. The yellow dragons name was Steve and the green dragons name was Cloyed. Then they played. Then they saw something in the reeds. It was brown and fluffy and it had red eyes and it was a monster. They ran then they ran faster yelling YIKES A MONSTER! They cried out mother and father! Then they ran to their homes. Then next morning they met at the church. They thought for a moment then they all said ('bout fuckin' time I spell it right) are you thinking what I'm thinking and they all seid (-.-) YES! And want to know what they thought they thought that monster wasn't a monster they thought it was the big dragons Jam, Flop, and Jeff. So they thought of a plan. The next morning they put their halloween costumes on. They were monster costumes. In a couple of minutes they met at the playground. Then they hid behind a bush and spied on the big dragons. So when they got close they would jump out at them and scare them. Then they got close and they jumped out at them and scare them. And they lived happily ever after.

The End
Hay you want to play kickball?

I was going to break down the political and social implications portrayed in this work of art, but this whole process has been emotionally draining. So, I'll leave it up to you to decipher the meaning of the story.

Also, if one of you smooth talking English folk would like to do a voice over of this, that'd be grand.

Alright, bye.