Monday, November 26, 2012

New Blog: Sinquiry Launch!

So, I'm sure a great deal of you have heard my plans on starting another blog. Well, that day has finally arrived!! It is with great pleasure that I introduce to you, Sinquiry.

Sinquiry

Sinquiry is your first destination for answers to your life's inquiries. Tune in to the blog every week to see a scheduled Sin answer your questions (7 per week based on preference).

You can submit questions using the button on the right side of the page. It looks like this:
Email

The writers participating in this experimental blog are as follows:

Envy is represented by Elton over at Elton Says Things
Gluttony is represented by Workingdan over at Shameful Promotions
Greed is represented by Addman over at Muppets for Justice
Lust is represented by Jewels over at According to Jewels
Sloth is represented by Flip over at HILL BLOCKS VIEW
Wrath is represented by Bryan over at A Beer for the Shower
... and Pride is represented by none other than yours truly.

I urge you to give the blog a shot as we've got quite the assortment of talented writers.

Visit Sinquiry in order to get a more in-depth description of what the blog's all about. I promise you will not be disappointed.  

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Feathered Matter, Inc.

To: mikehunt@ayohel.com; philmckracken@geemale.net
CC: dragonslayer4353@ayohel.com; darkmage223dstryr@ihnl.net
From: minceyballs@yawho.com

Subject: ESCAPE: Subject 324 (URGENT)
Date: 11.21.2023 [Nov. 21]

Dear colleagues,

I regret to inform you that, due to my unforgivable actions, the turkey cloning lab has suffered a breach.

I'm writing this message from the confines of my office. I've engaged the security traps in the lab and activated the pressurized gates to ensure the infestation does not escape the premises. You must obey my orders: leave the lab security settings engaged. Disregard the horrifying sounds that may eminate from the lab; it's better to imagine than to witness the horror that I have mistakenly created. I must remain here to accept the consequences of my sins but not before you hear me out.

I had the best intentions in mind. The turkey cloning line was progressing wonderfully. We had nearly perfected the science of producing an unlimited supply of turkeys at such a low cost that it would drastically reduce the price of turkeys in stores. But why stop there? I worked tirelessly to come up with a formula to produce much larger turkeys using the same amount of matter. All that was required was the addition of a single, dead, human skin cell. A genetically enhanced turkey derived from such an abundant material would abolish world hunger. But I wasn't prepared for what was to follow.

I thought I had perfected the formula, but when I started the automated production line, the creatures that emerged from the assembly were the offspring of some abomination sent from the depths of hell itself.

Their heads were mutated into thick stumps. Their legs were bony and lacking any sign of muscle yet showed no strain in supporting the girth of this enormous beast. But worst of all were the enlongated and horrifically defined vertebrae that protruded from the creature's spine. It didn't take long to recognize that these deformed monsters posed a threat.

I don't have much time as the beasts have nearly broken down the barred door to my office.

But please forgive my actions, I was only trying to help.

And tell my family I said... Happy Thanksgiving.

FILE: I've attached a screenshot of the security feed for those without a weak stomach. You can see why I can't leave the lab alive.


Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Chiz's Christmas Emporium: 2013 Sales Event



Two months until Christmas?!

That's right, folks. I'm sure many of you are donning adult diapers in order to alleviate the discomfort of soiling your pants due to overwhelming and physically debilitating stress. There's 2 months left and you haven't done any of your Christmas shopping? Talk about procrastination!

Well, since you've already failed to prepare for this year's Christmas, leaving your children a blubbering mess come Christmas morning, why not gear up for Christmas 2013?!

That's right! Come on over to Chiz's Christmas Emporium to discover incredible deals on decorations, electronics, and fruit cakes dated for next year's Christmas!

Why wait until 2 to 3 months before Christmas to get your shopping done, you procrastibators? Where you've failed your family and friends this holiday season, you can just as easily make up for them this time next year.

The doorbuster sales events start as early as tomorrow!

We take pride in beating out our competitors with sales events starting much earlier than such department stores are Target, Sears, and even WalMart! But, you have to act fast or else Christmas 2013 will fly by before you know it!

Hurry up! You don't have much time!

Monday, November 5, 2012

The Sixth Sense (An Urban Exploration Story)

UPDATE:

My blog idea has become difficult to manage having so many writers involved; therefore, it has come time to reevaluate my game plan. What I have decided as the most feasible idea is to basically go with Option 1 (explained in the previous post) and use the blog as Carl's journal. However, in order to get people involved, people can submit themselves interacting with the Sins as a guest post. I've noticed that most blogs have "avatars;" therefore, it seems they could submit to me their post and I can organize it into the proper format and use their avatar as the conversationalist on the blog. Bah, I'll probably revise this tomorrow because I'm writing with one eye open.

Anyway, I know y'all are sick of this other blog talk, so here is a normal post. 

P.S. I've decided to keep Chiz Chat around for a while.
__________________________________________________________________

In the spirit of Halloween the frightful days leading up to Thanksgiving, I shall relay to you an experience from my past that is so eye-twitchingly horrifying, that you won't even realize how scared you are... Damn, if I hadn't missed Halloween, I could have made this story scary somehow... Ah well, guess I'll just try to make it as entertaining as possible.

It was a cold winter's night hmm... a hot summer's night night time and it was really dark out because the sun went to visit China. I was accompanied by two of my friends as we went to peruse the local abandoned insane asylum for the umpteenth time because we're brave no... we're masculine we live in a suburban town full of grumpy, elderly folk and angry, soccer moms.


Here's a picture of the asylum (Missing several buildings)

We entered the all too familiar grounds and made our way to the courtyard. Our eyes were peeled for any signs of paranormal activity (Sponsored by Paranormal Activity 4. "When all other movies are sold out, look no further than PA4."). The asylum was closed down years ago for mistreatment of patients and multiple suicides, but we frequented the area enough to shake off the uneasy feelings. However, this time was different. This time it truly felt as if we were being watched. But like a group of retarded teenagers just about to get murdered in a horror film, we decided to explore the buildings anyway.

The buildings were relatively empty (except the theater which I may delve into another time). There were rusty cast iron doors with peep holes, bent wheelchairs, and gurneys with leather straps hanging from the sides, but nothing we weren't already used to seeing. yet, as we traverse the cement hallways, we still couldn't shake the feeling that we were being followed.

Finally, it was time to rap up our ghost hunt. We made our way back to the bottom floor of the building. I made a graceful leap over the 2x4 "blocking" the entrance, and by the cock of Zeus! there were two figures pressed up against the exterior wall! I managed to stop the flood of poo that nearly emptied into my undergarments before finally assessing the situation. The two figures turned out to be very human. One was wearing a camera around his neck while the other one... well, there wasn't anything particularly special about either of them so it doesn't matter. My friends were still in the building not moving a muscle. Therefore, I decided to commence one of the most awkward conversations of my life in order to discover the meaning behind this encounter:

Me: Oh, hey what's up? (A most reasonable initial inquiry when encountering fellow humans in an abandoned insane asylum)
Them: Nothing much, how 'bout you? (Already the conversation was as normal as it could be with two unfamiliar groups meeting in an insane asylum)
Me: Same, just exploring.
Them: Yeah, us too.
Me: Have you guys been following us?
Them: Yeah, we've been following you guys since you arrived.
Me: Oh, I thought someone was watching us.
Them: Yeah, it was us.
...
...
...
Me: Alright, well enjoy your exploring.
Them: You, too. Bye.
Me: See you later. (We in fact never saw them ever again)

And thus concludes the frightful events of whatever date that was! OooOOooOoo!

I've got a bunch of these stories so perhaps I'll post one whenever I'm running short of words.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Vote for the Blog Matter!

Chiz, we're really getting tired of these lame posts! Seriously, we're getting sick of your shit.
Yeah, well I'm getting shit of your sick! But I'm going to hold a legitimate vote this time with the remaining options that I have deemed plausible.

Option 1:

Use the blog as Carl’s personal journal where he muses about life and/or current events where the varying 7 deadly sins input their opinions. It’ll essentially be like a verbose comic strip without cool pictures.

Positives:
-Easy to maintain and manage
-Endless supply of subject matter
-Only requires myself

Negatives:
-I'm lazy, so posting will be infrequent

Option 2:

Dan over at Shameful Promotions had the idea of having a different writer represent each of the Cardinal Sins. It could either be an advice column where anyone may ask a question and have it answered by each of the writers (maintaining their character in the process),  or each writer may tackle a designated issue for the week.
Positives:
-Gets other writers involved
-The blog will be extremely active
Negative:
-Requires a significant amount of faithful writers
-Blogs are typically dead on weekends
Option 3:

Rent out a domain and ditch the Carl idea, essentially making a universal blog. In other words, use each of the 7 Deadly Sins as links to sections of the catering to certain subjects.
For example,
Gluttony: Food/Dining
Lust: Fashion
Envy: Cool electronics/devices
Greed: Economics
Wrath: Sports
Pride: Self help
Sloth: Video games/Entertainment
Positives:
-Your number 1 stop for anything and everything
-Get a wider variety of readers

Negatives:
-Requires absurd amount of writers
-Particularly difficult to manage
-I suck with html or whatever I'l be using

I'm still open to suggestions as well, but please cast your vote if you feel any of these ideas are particularly good. Also, if you are absolutely positive that you'd be able to assist with the blog, let me know. It still may be a singular blog, but if I have enough volunteers, we can make it a lot more interesting.

I suck at organizing things. The End.

UPDATE:
Please leave your email if you are interested in participating in option 2.