Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Acknowledging an Award by Shay

Hey everyone,

I haven't done one of these in a while, and frankly, I find them quite fun. So, without further adieu, I break my silence and present to you the Liebster Award:

presented to me by none other than the very talented author and blogger,

Chances are, you're all following her blog, but in the off chance you aren't, I urge you to visit Seriously-WTH? and brace for the laughter and that is to follow.


1) If education and salary wasn't an issue and you could have any job in the world, what job would you choose?

I'd choose to be the Illuminati's bookkeeper or secretary. Something that would put me in the know but not necessarily involved in the decision making process. I'd want all of the knowledge but none of the blame.

2) If you had the ability to know what other people really thought about you would you want to?

Yeah, I'd gladly accept that power. It's not that I worry about what people think of me, it's just that this ability would give me a huge leg up in pretty much any profession. "No, Billy, I'm not giving you a promotion because you think I'm a fat dick!"

3)If you could be any other person besides yourself (and don't give me the crap about "I'm happy being me" play the game!!!) who would you be?

Call me crazy, but I'd most like to be President Abraham Lincoln. I know he got assassinated, but he's the greatest president, in my opinion.  He did the best with a horrible situation and, though it cost bloodshed, he managed to unite the nation. He is one of the only Presidents that I firmly believe had the peoples' best interests in mind. Plus, he slayed, like, hundreds of vampires.

4) What is the one gift you hope you are going to get for Christmas?

Not to sound like a complete douche, but I want nothing for Christmas. I hate what it has become. It's too commercialized. I'd be happier if it was treated simply as a Thanksgiving Part II--the family getting together to share a meal and engage in conversation. Now it's all about putting ourselves in debt because we'd be considered stingy if we spent anywhere within a reasonable amount of our price range. But, I suppose I wouldn't mind getting some obscure instrument that no one plays so I can pretend to be good at it.

5) What was your biggest "blond" moment?

I've been having a lot of these lately. The most recent was during charades when I got Woodrow Wilson and Winston Churchill mixed up. I kept yelling Woodrow Wilson when my partner was clearly acting out Winston Churchill because I am, in fact, blond.

6) If you could be invisible and be in a room to overhear a conversation (past or present) what would the conversation be (Old love? Watergate? Kennedy Assassination? Snooping on kids?)

I can't exactly single out a conversation. I suppose I like to be a fly on the wall during any of the following: Adolf and Eva suicide, the Trial of Socrates, Truman's decision to drop the bomb, or the pitch and reaction of Hollywood execs to create Teen Wolf Too. 

7) Who is your favorite comedian/ humor writer?

My favorite stand-up comedian is Bill Burr, but Louie CK, Brian Reagan, TJ Miller, Aziz Ansari, and Donald Glover are close seconds. I saw Bill Burr live and his ability to make a twenty minute off-topic rant hilarious is pretty incredible. Plus he has an hour podcast up on his website every Monday which I listen to.

8) If you could be a member of the opposite sex for 24 hours what would you do?

Besides the unmentionables, I would totally beat the crap out of some random snooty bitch. If I was a woman, it would be socially acceptable at that point, right? By no means am I'm a woman beater, but that's not to say there are a few out there that I wouldn't mind giving a light slap on the face. Wow, that sounds incredibly hateful, but I'm not going to delete the answer because it's the truth.

9)What is your favorite Christmas movie?

Christmas Vacation by far. I mean, I love A Christmas Story, but Christmas Vacation never fails to deliver laughs.

10) I'm stealing this question because I liked it - Why do you blog?

Actually, a post I recently read on Mark's blog got me thinking about this question a lot. I figured the question would be easy enough to answer, but I suppose it is more complicated than it sounds. I'm a bit self-conscious about my writing (even though I'm contradicting my #2 answer) so I initially used my blog to gauge people's reactions. Now I continue it because I like the community. As much as I'd benefit from taking time away from my blog (i.e. get work done on my WIP), I simply can't bring myself to do it. Plus, I try keeping a personal journal, but it doesn't have the same feel as a blog.

11) What is the one thing that you wish more people knew about you? (Maybe a misconception you wish you could set straight, a talent you have, or something else.)

I used to be a rapper named Marky Mark. Nah, I actually thought about this question for 40 minutes and couldn't come up with anything. Ugh, I guess I'm decent at playing the drums. I can play the crap out of a recorder. I sing ridiculously loud when I'm in my car. I have all 50 state quarters. I love urban exploration. I'm a firm believer in conspiracy theories. I fold my toilet paper, not bunch it up. And, my favorite Disney movie is Mulan... Did I do that right?


Now for some self-promotion!

I know you're probably all sick to death of hearing about Sinquiry, but just hear me out for a second. I'm not asking that you to follow the blog. I can understand if it's not your type of humor, but if you could please take a second or two ask us a question using the tab on the right side of the blog that would be more than appreciated. ANY question will suffice. You can indicate that you want to remain anonymous if you so choose.

The tab looks like so:
This link should work, as well.

Pride had his turn this week (I heard he was super hilarious and everyone loved him... I hope). Up next week is Gluttony who is portrayed by none other than the wickedly hilarious Workingdan!


  1. Great answers dude. When I read Shay's blog (and submitted my own answers in her comments, I might add) I thought of the Lincoln thing, the Hitler/Eva thing, and the Truman thing that you mentioned. I about fell out of my chair after reading those answers. We can't be twins...right??

    1. Stranger things have happened---wait, no they haven't. That is pretty weird though considering the thousands of significant events that occured thoughout history.

  2. Lincoln slaying vampires, had me spraying my laptop screen with salted crackers. Thanks for that. :)

    1. No, thank Lincoln. If it weren't for him, America would be currently run by blood-thirsty vampires.

  3. Being the Illuminati's secretary would be awesome. You'd have to be careful how you answered the phone though...
    'Hello, Illuminat...ions... How many we help you?'

    1. Ah, I never though of that. Hmmm... "Thank you for calling Illuminations: Where we bring you light while keeping you in the dark. How may I help you."

      "Yes, I'm looking for a 32 watt coil bulb with the works."

      "Why, yes Obama, you may speak with Dark Fox."

  4. Well Mulan is a very good movie there's nothing wrong with that. People don't fold their toilet paper? Are they insane? Sadly if you were the illuminati's secretary you would still get the blame. If you have the knowledge you can't claim plausible deniability. You either have to not know, or be in a position you aren't supposed to know, so you can claim you don't. If you had the knowledge but did nothing with it, people would blame you for letting them just go on when you knew what they were doing.

    1. I'd even go as far to say Mulan has the greatest soundtrack of the Disney films.

      I actually had a argument years ago with someone who said they crumpled their toilet paper instead of folding it. It blew my mind to pieces.

      Also, I figured I'd probably still get some of the blame, but I'd just say they took me from an orphanage and brainwashed me until I was no longer capable of free will... or something. I'd figure it out.

  5. I'd totally swap bodies with a woman for a day! And not to go beat up women!

    Good answers! I agree completely with #4. This really makes me hate Christmas. Although, as a parent, it is quite a joy to watch the excitement on the kids' faces on Christmas morning. Making kids happy...the magic of Christmas!

    1. Ah I have a twisted mind.

      But, yeah, I don't like that I keep spending more and more every Christmas while I'm making less and less money.

  6. You gave awesome answers and proved even more why you deserved this award! I will post a question on Sinquiry just because you rock!

    1. Thanks, Shay! And thanks for the question on Sinquiry. If it's not answered in the coming post, it will most certainly be answer in the next one.

  7. Congrats on the award! I love your thinking for if you were a woman for 24 hours. No one thinks you're a woman beater. No, you're just a genius. I'd do the same. I'd walk over to my neighbor's house, ring the door bell, and then just deck her.

    1. ALright, thank God I'm not alone on this. I thought my number of followers was going to drop by half.

  8. Your answers brought a smile to my face. Congratulations on receiving the award! :D


  9. Dude, the trial of Socrates would be amazing to see!

    Congrats on the award :)

    1. I'd like to see Socrates tool on those close-minded silly billies. And thanks, Youngman!