Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Chiz's Christmas Emporium: 2013 Sales Event



Two months until Christmas?!

That's right, folks. I'm sure many of you are donning adult diapers in order to alleviate the discomfort of soiling your pants due to overwhelming and physically debilitating stress. There's 2 months left and you haven't done any of your Christmas shopping? Talk about procrastination!

Well, since you've already failed to prepare for this year's Christmas, leaving your children a blubbering mess come Christmas morning, why not gear up for Christmas 2013?!

That's right! Come on over to Chiz's Christmas Emporium to discover incredible deals on decorations, electronics, and fruit cakes dated for next year's Christmas!

Why wait until 2 to 3 months before Christmas to get your shopping done, you procrastibators? Where you've failed your family and friends this holiday season, you can just as easily make up for them this time next year.

The doorbuster sales events start as early as tomorrow!

We take pride in beating out our competitors with sales events starting much earlier than such department stores are Target, Sears, and even WalMart! But, you have to act fast or else Christmas 2013 will fly by before you know it!

Hurry up! You don't have much time!

25 comments:

  1. Dude! Why? Why must you remind me that I have 2 kids to shop for, I'm broke as hell, and haven't done any shopping whatsoever? Thios post is so wrong and cruel!

    Tell me, do you have your shopping done?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely none of my shopping is done. Though, the only children I need to buy gifts for are my neice and nephew. Other than that, we're doing a Yankee Swap because everyone's broke.

      Delete
  2. If the Mayans are wrong and we're all stuck here for a while I might consider coming over to your emporium. Until then I'm spending all my money on chocolate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At the rate we're going, I'm surprised the Mayans predicted the world to end this late. But chocolate will definitely be the first thing I raid the stores for.

      Delete
  3. You know, I'm now kind of sad that there are people who are probably buying, or willing to buy, for 2013. I do see adverts for savings schemes about the next Christmas in January, it's pretty crazy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I've heard of those, that's why I decided to one-up them. Seriously though, they have day after Christmas sales, and it makes my soul implode.

      Delete
  4. The internet saves my ass every year. Order...delivered...done. Very sweet indeed. Have not set foot in a store to shop for the holidays in 6 or 7 years. So I will pass on your great offer...no worries here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm definitely not leaving the house to do any of my shopping. Onlince shopping is cheaper, and I have a short temper when it comes to overcrowded places filled with impatient people.

      Delete
  5. This would actually be a great marketing scheme for some store to use. And I'm not kidding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, I wrote this as a satire, but then I realized that people would actually take me up on this offer.

      Delete
  6. I don't know what you're selling, but I want twenty. No, a hundred. I'll stock up for the next 20 Christmases.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm selling whatever you're buying.

      Delete
  7. Pah. I'm looking for somewhere catering for Christmas 2027. Why won't anywhere let me reserve a hoverboard?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really did look at this whole scheme one-dimensionally. Back to the drawing board!

      Delete
  8. Hi, Nice post thanks for sharing. Would you please consider adding a link to my website on your page. Please email me back.

    Thanks!

    Randy
    randydavis387@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hosting links on my blog starts at a minimum of $50/month. The price varies depending on the size of the font.

      Delete
  9. Can I pre-order some fat pants from you? The ones with the really stretchy elastic waist band? I plan on putting on 100 lbs in the next year and by Christmas 2013 I probably won't be able to leave the house on my own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pre-order? How about I have them delivered to you overnight instead? Why wait until next year to get fat?

      Delete
  10. Good idea, until your put out of business by a company that lets you christmas shop two years in advance!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also, what about buying gifts for last year? I forgot too!

      Delete
    2. Let's hope that day never comes. Besides, I'm sure my Emporium will be the first to do so. Also, we're in the process of constructing a time machine to hopefully one day make that possible.

      Delete
  11. Remove the illustration, has bought the rights to use, give notice to Photodune to take appropriate action

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alright, alright. Relax, you psychopath.

      Delete
    2. You have to be stupid to use a photo without authorization, if it can be traced easily by Google.

      Delete
    3. Alright, I apologize. I can't endure any more public shaming.

      Delete