Thursday, October 4, 2012

What if Children's Movies Had Different Directors?

Have you recently watched one of your favorite childhood movies and wondered how different the ending would have been if the script were handed over to another director? No? Well, perhaps I may be a little psychotic. Anyway, below are a few examples of how I believe particular children's movies would have ended if given to well-known, "revolutionary" directors.

The Lion King
directed by M. Night Shyamalan (pronounced 'sha-mla-na-lam-lim-lah-23-n')
After Simba prevails over his nefarious uncle, Scar, the plumes of smoke from the raging fire subside and provide a clear shot of the sky. The clouds once more make out the figure of his father, Mufasa, as he begins to speak these works, "Seembah, as you look upon the my face, know this: I am not your father but rather the last of a dying alien race. Open your eyes, Seembah, and see that the world is not as you would have it." At this point, Simba opens his eyes, and he's within an office building. He frantically surveys the area before stopping at an office window. The window does not reflect the image of a ferocious lion; rather, a businessman in a Armani  suit stares back. It is then that Simba realizes that lions had gone extinct decades before, and the world has succumb to the damaging effects of massive sun flares. His whole life was an alternate reality he conjured up to mask the death of his family.

FernGully: The Last Rainforest
by Christopher Nolan
Crysta and Zak Young confront Hexxus, the ancient spirit of destruction. After a short-live, yet epic, battle, heavy dialogue follows:
Hexxus: It's a funny thing, isn't it?
Zak: What's that?
Hexxus: Humans, they were given the world to thrive upon, yet they deem it disposible. Here, the rainforest still saves those who mean to destroy it.
Crysta: But, that's precisely what you intended to do.
Hexxus: Was that my true intent? Am I not just a replica of mankind. I seize the control of an unstoppable machine and weave a path of destruction where ever I so choose. Perhaps you should take a good long look at your friend there. Beyond appearance, is there anything that really sets us two apart?
Crysta focuses intently on Zak. She warily reachs for the nearest sharp object.
Crysta: He's right, y'know.
Zak: Listen, Crysta. He's deceiving you. She raises the sharp object over her head. Wh-What are you doing?
Suddenly, Batman swoops it and punches Crysta in the mouth and dropkicks Hexxus into oblivion.
Zak: There's the hero I was looking for.
The two of them then go out for tea and Fig Newtons.

Aladdin
directed by Michael Bay
As Aladdin, Genie, and the magic carpet battle against the limitless powers of Jafar. Aladdin all of a sudden grabs a bazooka and KAPURRRGH. Then, Genie launches a grenade and PWWWWAAAAWWW. After, the magic carpet reloads Aladdin's bazooka so he can shoot it at Jafar once more. Once it hits, it goes all KAPLOWIE. Then a separate EXPLOSION distracts the crew and Jasmine rides in on the back of Rajah with an AK-47 that's going all TSH, TSH, TSH all over Jafar. Then, Jafar trips a landmine and BOOOM! That's when Jafar has finally had enough and decides to implode rather than admit defeat. CRRABLAWWW! Just when the audience thinks everyone's dead. Aladdin, Genie, the magic carpet, Rajah, and Jasmine walk away from the raging fire and billowing smoke with ACDC blaring in the background.

I am incredibly childish.

This post is a submission to Dude Write 17. Head on over to check out an array of equally awesome blogs.

22 comments:

  1. I think the best people are adults who manage to stay childish. So congratulations on maintaining your imagination and sense of whimsy.

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    1. Haha, thanks Stephen! It's really not all that hard for me to act childish, surpringly.

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  2. You forgot the part where Aladdin falls to his knees screaming "NOOOOOOOO!" and firing his gun in the air.

    Great post! I have a movie-themed one coming out today as well. Mind you, 50% of my posts are movie-themed.

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    1. Ah man, that's totally Bay's signature move, too! Damn, anyway, thanks Addman! Can't wait to read your next post!

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  3. Very clever - but fern gully was a favourite childhood film?!

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    1. FernGully was incredibly awesome. Though, I'd have to say my favorite childhood film was Mulan. I think I watched that a good 47 times or so.

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  4. Haven't thought @ M.KnightShammalammadingdong in ages! Thanks for the chuckle of a read, yo!

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    1. You are quite welcome, Violet! I like your take on his name.

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  5. Dude that entire Lion King part had me dying.

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    1. Thanks, Youngman! I figured M. Night would find some way to incorporate aliens and massive twists into a chidlren's movie.

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  6. I have indeed imagined these scenarios. Exactly.

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    1. It's a relief to find out I'm not the only one!

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  7. Very funny and clever observations, sir! Do more please!

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    1. Oh, I planned on doing more. I just have to brush up on my children's movies.

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  8. I bet if you asked M. Night Schama-llama-hamsandwich to write the Lion King, he would. Just slip him a $5 bill and let the magic begin. God knows he's not working on anything else right now.

    Also, I feel that Aladdin needs a flaming helicopter that drops out of the sky and explodes. Think you can work that in somewhere? Hell, Michael Bay always does.

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    1. Luckily for all of us, he seems to be (is being forced to) take a break from directing. But, I'll shoot him an email to see whether he'd be interested.

      And, another one of Bay's signature moves that I left out. What was I thinking/Was I thinking?

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  9. I would re-watch Aladdin as aMichael Bay movie. Maybe the explosions would be enough to drown out the voice of Gilbert Gottfried.

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    1. One could only hope. Then again, Micahel Bay would probably recruit Tyrese Gibson or Josh Duhamel to voice Iago.

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  10. Although it might seem to others as a good idea to try think of how it would turn out if these children's movies were directed by another, it'd probably make a different impression for kids worldwide. It's good to experiment for our amusement but, what about them?

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    1. Well, Michael Bay would teach children that science fair projects can go from boring to incredibly awesome simply by adding a few explosions.

      Ah, who am I kidding? The kids would be screwed if this is how those movies actually ended. Luckily, this is all contained within my messed up imagination.

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  11. I think the best people are adults who manage to stay childish. So congratulations on maintaining your imagination and sense of whimsy.
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    1. Thank you, Vinay! It is not an easy task, if I may assure you.

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