Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Spammed Comment that Started a Revolution

While scrounging through my spam folder, I happened upon several comments that I've ignorantly overlooked through the ages. But of all the comments I perused, one truly shined above the rest:

In case you haven't read the post, Conception (and I strongly suggest you don't), it's a tribute to the struggle and exertion one often undergoes while experiencing constipation. Yes, the post is all about taking a poo.

Anyway, I'm glad someone finally appreciates my devotion to tackling the utmost important and controversial topics. With politics, global economic collapse, and rising tensions in the Middle East and Asia hogging the headlines of every media source, it's easy to lose focus of what's most important, and that's taking a poo.

Dear Anonymous, though you have a very odd name (Greek? Icelandic?), I acknowledge your wisdom and wish for all to view my words on poo through the same inquisitive eyes. I, too, believe people should "understand [my] side of the story."

Readers, take a look at your clock. For every second that ticks by, another victim falls prey to the agonizing effects of constipation. While you allow yourself to be distracted by who will be the next Leader of the Free World, you are taking attention away from the issues that truly matter. Poo problems, popcorn eating ediquette, and cat profiling, all very serious issues, are all swept under the rug due to your overwhelming ignorance.

My posts aren't meant to be taken with a grain of salt; reflect upon them and understand the importance of these vital and prominent issues. Frankly, I'm upset that this Anonymous (what an absurdly odd name) fellowone who's not even a follower of my blogwas the first to built up the courage to reveal the truth. I urge you all to follow his brave example and raise awareness for the issues that matter.

Phew, I'm glad I was finally able to get that out there.

Sorry, I've had a busy week. Better posts are yet to come.

14 comments:

  1. Ahhh lovely pun at the end there. Constipation is very evil and I'm glad that people are raising awareness of it.

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    1. Thanks you, Mark! Another member in my crusade to put an end to these mindless politics and bring about news that really matters, taking a poo.

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  2. Mrs. Chatterbox just went five days without going poo. I'd be in the hospital if this happened to me.

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    1. Yeah, same here. If I don't go poo at least once a day I feel like something is awry.

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  3. Ah yes, bringing light to such a weighty topic. You truely are a visionary and a humanitarian.

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    1. Haha "weighty topic." Thanks, Kellie! It's an ongoing battle that is far from over. From now on, my blog will be solely about poo.

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  4. I'm glad you are able to take the strain and push this faeces-I mean thesis out into the open.

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    1. Oh, it definitely made me feel poo-I mean great to get it out there.

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  5. I think I speak for everyone when I say that if constipation is not covered under Obamacare, we are all fucked.

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    1. That and the black plague. I think we're overdue for one of those. But it definitely needs to cover constipation first and foremost.

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  6. Hey, wait a second! I just got a comment that was suspiciously similar to the one you got! Do you mean to tell me that we BOTH undertand what we are talking about and have a gift for writing??? Wow, how wonderful!

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    1. It would appear so. This Anonymous guy doesn't seem like one to throw around comments like these all willy nilly.

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  7. Plus, he had the courtesy not to tell you that in Russian!

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    1. I know. Although a large number of my visitors are apparently Russian, so it may have peaked their interest a little to know how influential my writing is.

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