I haven’t done one of these article reviews in quite some time. So, what better way to reignite the flame than to review New York’s recent ban of sugary drink exceeding 16oz?
Here’s the article: New York OKs nation's first ban on super-sized sugary drinks, but in case you don’t feel like reading it, the basic synopsis is New York has passed a ban that would warrant a $200 fine to anyone caught drinking or distributing sugary beverages holding more than 16 fluid ounces.
Who knew that my prayers would actually be answered at such a swift pace? This recent regulation has blasted us almost as far back as the Roman Empire. I, for one, can’t wait to live in the medieval times. I’m jumping with joy that the era may be once more upon us in my lifetime. It’ll be like King Richard’s Faire but all the time!
Aside from my jovial façade (and the fact that I don’t live in New York), I am actually not all that fazed by this new decree simply due to the fact that I don’t drink soda all that much (although my blood pressure suggests otherwise). Though, I can see why many may be perturbed by such an absurd encroachment on our freedom of choice.
The rationale behind the law is that it’ll cut down on America’s overwhelming obesity. I guess they’ve overlooked the fact that stores sell soda cans in packs of 30. Let’s just hope it proves more successful than “The War on Drugs” (aka The War on Struggling Teenage Underlings).
According to a Google-wide research conducted by the Duke of Chiz Chat, soda is so devastatingly detrimental to one’s health that it was the leading cause of extinction amongst the dodo birds. Interestingly, white rhinos learned nothing from the dodos’ plight, therefore resulting in their population reaching such extreme lows as 4 white rhinos per planet. Reviewing those totally made up statistics, it is plain to see that our overpopulated country could do with this essential ban.
Though, as we’ve learned in the past, prohibition can do more harm than good. Pretty soon the mafia will seize control of underground 20oz soda cup operations and a wave of crime will hit the streets. The obese will be prosecuted solely on appearance alone as the only viable excuse for them being overweight is consumption of soda and not any of the other millions of things that also cause you to gain weight.
My suggestion for New York would be to load up on more officers to thwart this grave injustice that will be flooding the streets. May God lend his hand in New York’s mission to prevent the further consumption of sugary drinks exceeding 16oz.
This is a submission to Dude Write 14: 100 Days of Dudes because I love dudes so much. Head on over to read posts likely to make you weep, laugh, cheer, and reevaluate your life all at once. It's quite the trip, if I do say so myself.