Thursday, September 20, 2012

Gabriel's Drinking Problem


This is yet another submission to Dude Write’s September Flash Mob . This week’s competition is has a picture prompt theme. Head on over to Dude Write to check out the details and submit a story of your own. Be sure to read everyone’s submissions, as well. You won’t be disappointed.
Word count: 500
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Picture prompt
"Gabriel, put down the drink."

Gabriel turned his attention to Michael and was practically blinded by the reflective, gold armor that decorated his body. "Well, don't you look shimmering," Gabriel retorted.

"Drunk again, I see," countered Michael. "The apocalypse starts in an hour, and you've got the look of a leper fermenting in brandy. At least fasten your armor correctly."

Gabriel stared down at his dangling, colorless breast plate. "Oh, you mean these hand-me-downs? Here let me tighten these crusty, shredded straps." He began to tug at the straps in an exaggerated manner.

"Will you relax? I know you're still mad that I was assigned the position of Archangel, but it was God's decision. I had no say in the matter."

"Mad? Who's mad? Certainly not I, the Angel of Death. What business does the Harbinger of Demise have leading an army to victory over the innumerable spawns of Satan? No let's leave the job to a carrier pigeon. Let's have the Angel of Public Transportation lead an army toward a throng of daemonic assassins." Gabriel was off his stool and pacing the barroom floor.

"See? This is precisely why God chose me to lead the charge. Who in their right mind would want an inebriated sponge cake with crusty mustard in his feathers leading them into battle?"

"Hey! I bet The Four Horsemen are getting smashed at this very moment. Do you think that's going to hinder their ability to slaughter the masses?"

"Well seeing as the prophecy foretells of their defeat, then yes, I think it's going to have a bit of an impact on their mobility."

"Regardless, I am the Angel of Death! D-E-A-T-H."

"It's only a nickname! God sent you to maim the Egyptians, not murder them."

Gabriel hesitated for a brief moment. "What?"

"Yeah, the 'Angel of Death' was a joke, a nickname, started by the other angels. Why you decided to proudly boast the title is beyond me."

“Still, you can’t tell me I’m not good at killing.”

“True, yet considering every one of us as well as our enemies are perpetual beings, I doubt there will be much killing. Didn’t you listen to God’s lecture this morning?”

“There was a lecture this morning?” Gabriel tilted his head to the side.

Michael rubbed his eyes and let out a sigh. “Our job is to banish our opposition to the Lake of Fire. Nowhere in our game plan is there any mention of killing.”

Gabriel glared at Michael. He opened his mouth to reply, but quickly turned his attention to the bartender and help up his finger. “Another drink, please.”

“God damn—I mean, gosh darn it, Gabriel! Did you listen to a thing I’ve said?”

Gabriel hovered over the freshly poured drink. The liquid reflected what was once a battle-hardened angel now turned shabby and pathetic. 

Trumpets blared outside the saloon doors. “Gabriel, ride beside me, brother,” Michael desperately pleaded.

With that, Gabriel tipped the glass, spilling the destructive contents upon the bar top.

18 comments:

  1. This must have happened, at least once. Still, if there's no killing to be done I do wonder what the whole Heaven vs Hell thing is about. Theoretically no one can win. Or lose.

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    1. Yeah, I never really understood the apocalypse. I mean, Satan's already banished to Hell, right? How does he escape and stuff? I mean, even if he is banished to Hell, won't he just find a way to escape again?

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  2. I always knew the Arch angels were drunks! No wonder why we live in such a fucked up world!

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    1. It only makes sense. A couple of God's demands get misconstrued in a drunken stuper and pretty soon cancer and AIDS are born.

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  3. Great fun. A drunk archangel with a bar tab!

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    1. Hell yes--I mean Heaven yes! I don't know. It's always fun to pretend angels are just as naughty as us, teehee.

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  4. Nice work. I used to be the Angel of Internal Affairs, but was sacked for sleeping with my secretary. I thought affairs were part of my job description.

    Good luck in the contest.

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    1. Thanks, Addman! Yeah, I was going to use the Angel of DMV Services, but the story would've been a lot longer *buh dum tch*.

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  5. God damn good work! Or did I mean "gosh darn" good work? Great read and a fun alternative perspective of how they do in the Angel business...

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    1. Thanks, Daniel! Got a bit of the inspiration from Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (which is a hilarious book that I strongly suggest reading).

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  6. Not all angels are saints I guess ;)

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    1. I like to think angels are one of us. Just a slob like one of us. Just a stranger on the bus. Trying to make their way home.

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  7. I really liked this! It was very creative and a fun take on angels. You took that prompt and went in a fantastic direction. Great job!

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    1. Thanks, Kianwi! Yeah, I don't know what prompted me to take this approach, but I'm glad it came off as original.

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  8. Haha "Angel of Public Transportation." I think he already has started the charge towards the apocalypse.

    Great story, Chiz. And incredibly creative.

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    1. Thanks, Youngman! I'm glad someone got that joke. I was afraid no one would catch on to it.

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  9. Drunk angels, loved it! Nice work Chiz. :)

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    1. Thanks, Michael! Glad you enjoyed it!

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