Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Day I Slipped on Some Ice and Hurt Myself

My whole life I used to believe that those who slipped and fell on ice in the winter, seriously injuring themselves, were big dummies. I’ve slipped on ice prior to, and never suffered anything more than humiliation and a minor bruise, but this time it was different.

It all started at my former place of work a few years back. A severe snowstorm raged outside as I and my fellow cooks passed the time by molding Pokémon out of random kitchen supplies.
Don't touch the spikes on its head/back; they're poisonous.
The snow was piling up at an alarming rate. So much so, that the managers decided to book us a room at the local hotel. It was a state of emergency. Actually, none of this really matters. All you have to know is that there was snow on the ground the following morning when we departed from the hotel.

The next morning, a fellow cook and I lagged far behind as we thought it would be a great idea to have breakfast at the hotel. I had an egg sandwich. For $7 it was literally just a single fried egg between two pieces of dry toast. But again, the details of this horrific hotel restaurant don’t matter.

We exited the building and treaded through the snow. We came across a street cutting through the plaza that had recently been plowed. What luck, we thought as we leaped the snow bank. My coworker gracefully skidded on the ice and glided to a stop. Unknowing of the hidden patch of ice, my feet hit the ice and immediately flew from under me. My arms flailed and the purple Stop & Shop handbag I was carrying exploded above my head and flung lasted night’s empty beer cans and dirty underwear into the air.

I remember hearing “Hide and Seek” by Imogen Heap as my gently body fluttered in the wind. Unfortunately, the moment was disrupted as my body crashed against the unforgiving, icy cement. My head rang and my eyes were struggling to focus. My coworker’s laughter sounded eons away. I got up on a knee and could see the sky and the ground simultaneously.

“You alright?” my coworker managed to fit in between suffocated gasps. I turned toward him, and his face dropped as he uttered, “Oh, shit.”

Confused, I ran my fingers over the right side of my face and examined the crimson blood that was flooding from my ear.

My coworker helped me to a wall where he proceeded to take a picture of me to document the event... Because if there are no pictures, it never happened.
 
My long hair/expensive winter coat phase.
A grumpy, hefty man waddled over to us. I’ll call the ambulance, the lazy plowman sighed (seeing as the entire plaza should have been plowed at that point). He shuffled away, whispering obscenities to himself.

Finally, a local store that was opening allowed me to wait in their lobby just as long as I didn’t get any blood on their carpet. Though, there was no need to worry; I had yesterday’s underwear—the ones I let farts loose in—pressed firmly against the side of my head.

Eventually, the ambulance arrived and whisked me away for the generous price of $500 (=43,295 pesos for you European folk).

I later found out that I had punctured my right eardrum by hitting the ice perfectly flat on my ear, sending a gush of air flying through my ear canal and rupturing the eardrum.

Returning to work and after being told by my boss that “this wouldn’t have happened had [we] went to bed last night instead of staying up and drinking,” I was relayed the stories by other coworkers of how the accompanying cook had carried me on his back all the way to the hospital as I helplessly lost blood directly out of my head.

And that is how I learned not to insult those who have fallen victim to ice trauma.
Yeah, I was wearing shorts.

20 comments:

  1. You should grow your hair long again. Damn though, that's a lot of blood. I've slipped on ice a few times but I'm yet to do major damage like that to myself. Also, you guys are awesome for making pokemon out of kitchen supplies and I actually raged at hearing that calling the ambulance cost you money, and that much too.

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    1. Despite the long hair being annoying, I liked the look of it. Though, I unfortunately had to chop it off for my crap job. Maybe one day I'll grow it back in time for it not to seem creepy.

      Yeah, an ambulance ride alone costs a mandatory $500. When I crashed a car, I refused to go on the ambulance because of the price, but they made me do it anyway. It's a lot more in some other states.

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  2. Wow! $500 for an ambulence ride? I'd have taken a taxi! Glad you got a picture, now I know it did happen! (but then agian that picture could have been faked!! That could have been a drunken time you put ketchupy underware to your head to win a bet!!)

    Also, was there any fear on your part of your underware infecting your wound?

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    1. Damn! I was hoping no one saw through my clever photoshop skills! Also, it's $500 up front fee for the ambulance. It's a lot more in other parts of the country.

      And, I actually did think about an infection from my boxers for a moment, but then I was distracted by all the blood coming from my head.

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  3. That's horrific...$7 for an egg sandwich!
    Actually your injuries sounds just as horrific, glad there wasn't any permanent damage. But dang, $500 for am ambulance! I would have crawled to the nearest hospital!

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    1. Yeah, and it was tiny and dry and unsatisfying.

      And, at the moment it didn't hurt too much. The worst part was the ear specialist cleaning out all the blood and then feeling queasy and having a migraine later that day from the blood loss.

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  4. Amazing you lived...you could have got iceimycytisus and died!!! Thank God you had an egg sandwich to ward off that infection. Seriously...the hair makes you look like a pedo, dude. Leave it alone.

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    1. Alright, well this picture is a bad example. I hadn't showered, shit, or shaved in two days. Though, I am fond of the bald head/beard look. Though I can't do that either because of work. I've been through a lot of hair phases.

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  5. The ambulance ride was only $500? Here in CO, they're thousands of dollars. That's not a joke. When my wife was roofied, she doesn't remember a single thing except that the ambulance showed up at one point wanting to take her away. She laughed in their faces and said, "What, do I look like I shit money? If I need a hospital, my brother can drive me there."

    Needless to say, I am so, so proud of her.

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    1. I think since Massachusetts has Medicare we get lower ambulance fares. We spend boat loads on insurance, but we get to eventually see the benefits should we hurt ourselves. But yeah, I know Texas is $1000 and then like $15 per mile after that.

      Good like your wife denied the ambulance ride. You'd have to take out a loan to afford that.

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  6. I was enjoying reading this right up to the part where you say you put dirty pants on your head! :)

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    1. Why? I thought the imagery was fantastic! It certainly arouses the senses!

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  7. Eww. Blood is disgusting. It's all bloody and inside you until it's not. I used to donate blood, but I couldn't stand looking at it. It made me ill. I never knew ice was so dangerous. The problem is that it shouldn't be anywhere but a freezer. I've only seen ice and snow about twice in my life. Did you know that it's cold? You probably do, since you fell on it.

    Nice face, by the way.

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    1. Yeah, I was int he middle of talking when he snapped the picture, but don't worry. You're not missing anything when it comes to snow. Snow is cold and makes life miserable for a few months.

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  8. Yeah... Falls of any kind usually turn out very bad for me too. I've fractured my wrist twice and collapsed a lung an unknown number of times.

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    1. Oh, damn. I didn't know you could collapse a lung on numerous occasions. Ouch!

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  9. Ouch. Is there anything they can do about a ruptured ear drum? Glad you survived!

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    1. Well they gave me these special ear drops to use which were supposedly supposed to help. I'm not sure what the actual function of them was.

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  10. I’m sorry you have to learn such lesson in a bloody way. Anyway, it might’ve still happened even if you spent the night before sober. It’s just a lucky setting for you that it happened in a place with people to help you. How’s your ear now? I hope you’re not going through any hearing problems…

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  11. Incidents like this are inevitable. You’re lucky because you’re with your co-workers that time and they’ve been able to help you right away. Nonetheless, I admire you because despite what happened, you still managed to smile on that photo. ;)

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