Friday, June 15, 2012

Twisted Fairy Tale Movie Pitches


With Hollywood running short on ideas blockbusters, they’ve begun to delve into a new genre, portraying nursery rhymes and fairy tales in a dark and twisted light. Red Riding Hood, Boogeyman, Beastly, and Snow White and the Huntsman are prime examples of Hollywood’s desperation.

With the moderate success of these fairly drab movies, I’ve decided to seize this opportunity and rob movie-goers of a few bucks by pitching a few twisted versions of fairy tales myself.

I present to you, the following:

Silence the Lambs

Little Bo Peep has found her sheep, and their previous attempt at escape will not go unpunished. Held up in the blood stained barn, the sheep attempt to conjure up a plan to delay their impending demise. While Bo Peep prepares for a sadistic bloodbath, the sheep prepare for one last escape.


Live Free or Crack Hard

Humpty Dumpty spent his days atop the Bay Street wall, bearing witness to the nauseating nature of mankind. He would sit idly by as people committed outlandishly heinous acts toward one another. However, that would all change the day he encounters an arms dealer and decides to distribute his personal brand of justice.


The Three Pigs

The piglets believed their days of harassment were over. The big, bad wolf had huffed and puffed his last breath, and the piglets lived steadily in a lavish, brick colonial. All seemed well, until the wolf’s uncle and world renowned attorney prosecutes the piglets for neglecting to notify authorities of the wolf’s obvious psychological disorder.


Sorry, i thought I'd take a break from writing for a day to draw silly little pictures on MS Paint.

44 comments:

  1. No need to apologise, MS Paint is a perfectly valid procrastination tool.

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    1. Yeah, I just needed a little break away from writing, and what can serve as a better outlet than MS Paint?

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  2. I think I would watch Silence The Lambs. I think other people would watch the others though.

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    1. Silence the Lambs is definitely my go-to pitch if Hollywood decides to become intelligent and approach me.

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  3. Silence of the lambs should be an Aardman production.

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    1. I can definitely picture that. He has a way with expressing sheep emotions.

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  4. These sound better than the originals! I'd watch all of them :)

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    1. Awesome! At least I can be confident knowing I'll have at least one person in the audience!

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  5. More Twisted Fairy Tale Movies!!

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    1. Haha, maybe I'll make a second installment in the near future when I'm suffering from writer's block again.

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  6. Haha you never have to apologize for that. Those were awesome.

    Siq post bro.

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    1. Haha, thanks! Maybe I'll take a trip out to Hollyweird and pitch a movie or two.

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  7. Fairy tales were very dark. I like that about them, but I haven't watched any of those movies. What I would watch is your Silence of the Lambs. I never liked Little Bo Peep. I knew there was something off about her.

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    1. Yeah, I think they have revised versions fot he fairy tales we heard as kids to make them less morbid.

      As for the movies, they aren't all that great. If you want some good, grim fairy tale-esque movies, I'd suggest Pan's Labyrinth and Tideland (though I've never seen it, I heard it was brilliant).

      And, Bo Peep was eerily proper. She definitely showed signs of a mental disorder.

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  8. Silence of the Lambs is utterly inspiring. If Hollywood had any soul, this movie would get created.

    I'm also imaging a cross between Little Miss Muffet and Arachnophobia, but I can't think of a catchy title.

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    1. If someone's willing to write the script, I'll gladly play the part of Bo Peep.

      And, though I can't think of a title for your pitch either, I think that would be an incredibly awesome idea!

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  9. Now you just need millions of dollars and a star attached to your project. Good luck.

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    1. Pssh, how hard can that be? Oh, apparently pretty difficult. Maybe I should just make these movies into pornos, instead.

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    2. Now THAT I would like to see, *giggles*

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    3. There would be a significant amount of beastiality, but according to my post "Fifty Bales of Hay," my subconscious has no issues with that.

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    4. I didn't think it would, you are so wonderfully twisted yourself, lmao

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    5. I've come across plenty of website where you can rent/adopt sheep. So I've already filled 90% of the roles in the first movie pitch.

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    6. Well there's only Bo Beep left and you want to play her so *sigh* there's nothing left ova for me. Story of my life.

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    7. I'll be the big bad wolverine, yeah

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    8. That can definitely be arranged, haha.

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  10. Humpty Dumpty and that smile of his make him seem mentally unhinged, and I say that in a good way. I would watch that, even if just for your killer tagline.

    MSPaint... it's addictive, isn't it?

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    1. Have you seen Puss in Boots? Humpty is a bad egg in that! Sorry!

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    2. Bah, I have seen it. It was actually a brilliant movie, but I didn't have it in mind when I was drawing this. Though, the costume may have been slightly stolen.

      And, MS Paint is strangely addicting, but time consuming. I don't know how you guys manage to put out so many comic strips for your posts. It took me long enough for these three pictures.

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  11. You have some mighty fine drawing skills sir. I loved your version of the fairy tales. Reminds of Tim Burton films, haha.

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    1. And, these were dran with the little finger pad on the train, not to brag or anything... but kinda. I believe Burton can throw some money at these. Even if they end up terrible, people will still go see them because he's a genius.

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    2. Oh for sure he is. Did you happen to see my other comment on the porno flicks, hahahaha

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    3. I still have to see "9". And, I somehow missed that last comment.

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  12. Silence the Lambs - love it. I see a future career as one of Aardman's animators. Your colouring in skills are amazing!

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    1. Haha, thanks! Though, I don't know how well I'd work with clay animation.

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  13. I look forward to seeing these movies at a theatre near me!

    Great pics too! Silence the Lambs is my favourite one!

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    1. Thanks! I'm still looking for a costume designer if you're up for the task.

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  14. Okay the fact that you actual did those on paint impressed me. I think you've got some quality ideas here my friend. Copyright these bitches before Hollywood takes them to the bank.

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    1. They've already stolen plenty of my works! I think you're right, I have to copyright these stat! And, despite sturggling through the embarrassment of fellow train-goers eyeballing my work, it was quite enjoyable.

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  15. Ha,ha,ha. Little Bo Peep - never did trust that chick - I mean sheep - seriously?

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    1. She was an oddball for sure. It's time we shine a light on her true intentions once and for all.

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  16. i want to watch ALL OF THESE. keanu reeves seems like a shoe-in for "live free or crack hard"!

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    1. He would make an egg-cellent humpty dumpty. "Stop right there, you theiving twerp! Allow me to egg-sact justice upon you!"

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