Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Me and My Roomie


My new roommate is quite a nuisance. It’s a funny story actually. I didn’t even invite him to live with me; he kind of just showed up one day. There will be extended periods where he is nowhere to be found. During those times of absence, I’m able to write some quality work without distraction. However, recently he’s in between departures, and he hasn’t left the living room sofa in days.

It’s as if every time I decide to work on one of my writing projects, he comes out of nowhere to divert my attention.

Roomie: “Hey, you know remember that cokehead in middle school? I wonder how he’s doing nowadays.”
Me: “Not right now, I’m busy.”
Roomie: “Dude, imagine if he was dead! That’d be nuts.”
Me: “I’m sure he’s doing just fine.”
Roomie: “Yeah, but what if he’s not. I’m sure he’s got a Facebook account. How ‘bout we check it out, just to be sure.”
Me: “I don’t have time to be creeping on random acquaintances right now!’
Roomie: “Are you sure about that?”
Me: “Gah! Fine let’s see if he’s still alive. Then, I’ll get back to writing.”

*30 minutes of research later*

Me: “I told you he’s not dead.”
Roomie: “Well, technically ‘brain dead’ is a form of dead.”
Me: “Whatever. Will you leave me alone now?”
Roomie: “Sure, whatever.”

*2 minutes later*

Roomie: Shouting from the kitchen. “Hey, did you check the fridge out?”
Me: “What?! What could possibly be in the fridge that’s so interesting?!”
Roomie: “Dude, you got like 14 beers in here.”
Me: “So what?!”
Roomie: “You bought them like a week ago.”
Me: “What’s that supposed to mean?!”
Roomie: “It means you should probably drink them before they go flat.”
Me: “Fine! I’ll have a beer or two, but that’s it. I have to get some writing done.”
Roomie: “A beer’ll loosen you up and get them creative juices flowing.”

*14 beers later*

Roomie: “See? Don’t you feel like you could write a novel right now?
Me: “Naht preticalarly.”
Roomie: “Hmm, you sound  a bit drunk. Here’s the remote. I think a documentary on anorexic penguins is on the Discover Channel.”
Me: “Ooo!”
Roomie: “Just relax and watch some television. Sober up a bit so you can get some writing done.”
Me: “Guh ideer.”

*12 hours later*

Roomie: “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!”
Me: “Huh? What time is it.”
Roomie: “Dude, you’re going to be late for work!”
Me: “Work? Aw, I didn’t get any writing done for the fourth day in a row!”
Roomie: “Don’t worry, you can try again tonight. I promise I won’t bother you.”

The problem is, he won’t leave me alone tomorrow because he’s… not a real person. He's contained within my mind. He's distraction. He's agitation. He's interference. He's procrasturbation. He’s… Writer’s Block! Rablahblah!


Bah, I'm not exactly suffering from writer's block. It's more so due to the fact that I've decided to start my novel from scratch once again, so my mind's a bit preoccupied. I found out I can write the shit out of a short story in first-person, but I'm not talented enough to write a 120,000~ word novel with such a complex back-story. So, third-person it is! I only got to roughly 8k words so it's best I start over now. I'll post the prelude once I've finished it for some feedback.

P.S. I still live with my parents because I'm super rich and stuff. So, no. I don't have a roommate.

31 comments:

  1. I love this post!

    If you do manage to get rid him, though, just don't send that little creeper over to my house.

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    1. Don't worry, I think he's going to be sticking around for awhile. He seems to like my pad.

      Delete
  2. How weird. Sometimes your roommate tries to crash at my place. When I ask him if he's got anywhere better to be, he says "not really. Hey, did you know they have porn on the internet these days?"

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    1. He's like a gypsy, barnstorming, wayfaring Jehovah's witness you never know when he's going to show up at your doorstep asking for a moment of your time.

      And porn on the internet, you say?

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  3. Wow, your roommate is a real sponger, sometimes that git crashes at my place too! Gee that's 3 people already...bastard!

    And what did ever happen to Ja Rule?

    p.s
    Procrastination or not, that was still a great post.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. He's a bum!

      As for Ja Rule, you've prompted me to do a search. I guess between arrests, I hear he was recently spotted participating in a peace walk to end gang violence.

      Delete
  4. Well if you live with your parents then your parents are your roommates. Technically. I procrastinate a whole lot too, especially when it comes to writing. I think it's more like sometimes writing is my procrastination.

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    1. When writing becomes my procrastination, that's when my creative juices overflow. However, when i try to get myself to sit down and write, nothing happens.

      And, I suppose they are like roommates. They don't chanrge me rent so they are certainly not landlords.

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  5. Sounds like someone had a visit from the bad decision bears!

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    1. The whole gang paid me a visit along with the lounge-around lemurs and the procrastination platypus.

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  6. Glad he's moved in with you. Trying to get my brain up and moving away from the distractions...Maybe I should write longhand. Nah.

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    1. Bah, you should see my longhand writing. It's barely eligible. But I definitely need to rid myself of all these distractions.

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  7. Are you sure he's not real, sitting on your couch right now drinking your beer? :P

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    1. You know, someone HAS been drinking my beers while I've been at work.

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  8. There's only way to get rid of that guy.

    A drill.

    Nice little hole, right at the hairline? He'll pack up his stuff and move to greener pastures, buddy.

    Nothing will stop you from writing then...

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    Replies
    1. I will take your advice and stop by Home Depot on my way home to pick up some power tools. This guy needs to be out by tonight, damn it!

      Delete
  9. Don't worry, I live with my parents too and I am fine! Nothing wrong with that at all...I don't feel like a loser! No I am doing Great! Just chillin', getting my act together, yeah nothing to worry about, its all pretty, pretty, pretty great! (this is the conversation inside my head most of the time, and sometimes when people ask me how I am doing). You are not alone pall!

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    1. Good to hear that there are fellow couch crashers in my midst! I try to replay that same monologue in my head everyday as well.

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    2. I'm a couch crasher too but I was asked to move in an help with my mother whose health is declining. Been uber busy lately so I've not been able to comment much lately but I see you're still talking to those voices in your head, lol. Now when my voices start talking to your voices, Houston we might have a problem. Have a great weekend.

      Aloha nui loa
      Shiels

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    3. I'm sorry to hear that, Sheila. Don't worry, I'll be here when you're back. Anyway, I'll try to keep the voices to a dull roar, but I can't make any promises.

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  10. That guy?! I love that guy. Sometimes he's like "Hey dude maybe you should just write something, and I'm like, hey screw you man! I've got beer to drink." Good times.

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    1. Very true. If it weren't for that guy, beer brewers would be short on business.

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  11. I think you're roommate is related to me. Also, I think it's sexy when a guy still lives with his parents. Maybe not always, but at least I know there will always be food in the fridge.

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    1. That is a plus. I lived away from home for a short period of time, and my fridge served as the most useless appliance in my appartment as there was never any food in it.

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  12. I saw the picture on this post in my blog role so it kind of gave the end away...

    Great post! Well for me to read, not for you to live out.

    Also do the first half of the book in thrid person then do the last half in first person!

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    1. Bah, I was afraid of that, but I figured the picture would be too small to decipher.

      I'm still having issues with how I want to go about this. I've been trying to layout the background information of my story through a series of government e-mails, but I'm failing miserably. Maybe I'll pull a George RR Martin and do multiple first person views.

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  13. I love your blog... very entertaining. Especially this post! It even worse when you have the writer's block roomie and a real roomie that works just as hard to distract you!

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    1. Thanks a lot, Erin! And, I know a lot about that as I used to live with five other guys.

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  14. I have a whole hoard of 'roomies' at my house - unfortunately they are not make believe. They're real. And they keep bloody interrupting me ALL the time. They're called husband, daughter, son, step-daughter, dog, cat 1, cat 2 ... arrrrghhh!

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  15. Ah, I found your writer's block post! Nice. I got hit with the same thing too. Hence, not writing anything for like...two weeks. Although, I have been scribbling notes incessantly on my iPod. Well, more like...typing. Regardless, I have a lot of ideas now.

    As for your novel. If it's starting off that's the problem, I find it best to flesh out the back drop first, as in, the universe the characters reside in. Where do they live? Do they pay rent? Are they rich or poor? etc. I find it works as a sort of back door to the story. Before you know it, you'll be humming along.

    It's either that...or I do copious amounts of heroin. It's the "William Burroughs Method of Self Destructive Creativity". It works great...until your teeth fall out, then, it turns your social life to shit.

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    1. Damn, I'm still lacking on ideas, but not as severe as before.

      Also, my novel has a pretty complex back drop which is my main probably. I have the background all figured out. I just can't think of a way to portray it without sounding cheesy as shit.

      The way I started it before is that I had a "Brief History," followed by "Chapter 1." But, I don't know how to go about it now. I may consult you and my followers once I have an idea.

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