How I ended up in the mess was beyond my comprehension. I was almost certain a majority of the LSD had left my system. Even so, I could've dismissed my current predicament as a post-hallucination if it weren't for the intense heat emitted by the lava that now coated the floors of my home. Somehow, the furniture in the house was unscathed, but I wasn't about the wait around to discover how long that would last. I looked over the rear of the couch and noticed that outside seemed safe enough. So, I began to plot out my exit strategy. I'll move from the couch to the coffee table; from there, I'll make a daring leap to the decorative couch by the mudroom. At that point I will formulate my next plan of action.
Let the games begin.
I cautiously bridged the gap between myself and the coffee table. Beads of sweat perspired from my body leaving thick, sopping puddles in my socks and underpants, but I managed to secure myself upon the Ikea table. It was rickety as I had expected. I looked to the decorative couch near the entrance of the mudroom. Measuring the distance with my eyes, I'd say it was probably a good 700 yard leap, nothing I couldn't handle. I clawed the edge of the table and firmly planted my feet. 3... 2... 1... the
stunt table Ikea
coffee table exploded into 40 billion pieces or something as I careened through
the hot, dense air. I crashed into the couch breaking one of the wooden legs. I
held tight as the couch slowly began capsizing. Death seemed imminent, or so I thought
when I saw an ottoman only 40 feet away. This was my only chance. Without a
moment of hesitation (except for that second or so I thought about jumping), I
pounced off the coach and grappled the ottoman with every single one of my
limbs (I have 4 limbs). Luckily, the ottoman had wheels and it shot forward,
leaving a small 45 miles gap between me and the door.
But, I had to act fast; it appeared as though the lava was rising. I looked about frantically for something to get me out of this jam. That’s when I noticed an umbrella hanging just within reach. Surely an umbrella could withstand the blazing, hot lava. I got a handle of the umbrella and began to use it as leverage to push the ottoman onward toward the front door. I appeared to be correct about the umbrella’s immunity to lava. I finally reach the door and fell forward onto my deck. It was finally over. I breathed a deep sigh of relief. I can’t believe I made it through that perilous situa—What’s that? It smells like something is… BURNING! I glanced backward and saw my shoe ablaze. I quickly batted the flame out and was instantly stricken with horror as I watched the lava seep beneath the doorway. I lifted myself up and sprinted for the street. I looked back over my shoulder and noticed the lava picking up speed. What was happening to me!? Quickly, I thought of my next plan. I’ll go to the water tower!
After sprinting for approximately 2 miles, I finally caught sight of the water tower. I began feeling a sense of relief as I was sure the water tower would be my safest bet. I looked back once more and noticed that I was keeping the lava at a safe distance. I focused my attention forward when I started to notice a gathering of children up ahead. Confused, I yelled for their assistance. Maybe they had some explanation about this apparent curse set upon me. However, as I moved onward, the crowd of children began filing in a line. Interlinking their hands, they seemed to be forming some sort of barricade between me and the water tower. What on Earth were they doing?
“Red Rover!” I heard them shout. What were they talking abo—“RED ROVER!” they belted again. “Send that pale, scrawny kid over!” I look over my shoulder. Surely they couldn’t be talking to me, but to my dismay, they were. I had no choice; I had to press onward despite their attempts to prevent me from passing. I got closer and the shouts became louder “Red Rover! Red Rover! Send that pale, scrawny kid over!” This was it! All or nothing! I directed my entire chi into my chest, but it was to no avail, the sheer power of the children’s linked hands bested me. My ribs crashed against my lungs, forcing the life out of me. I lay on the ground gasping for air and helplessly watched the lava rapidly close the distance. That’s when world went black and I lost consciousness.
To be continued…