I've noticed an increasing trend of terrible drivers on the road. Most common are those that refuse to signal their blinker. The staggering amount of driver’s that overlook the performance of such a simple, courteous, and lifesaving act was so overwhelming, that it convinced me to perform a social experiment. I refused to believe there are this many stupid and lazy people in the world. Thus, I present to you my conclusions:
Silly dog! Dogs can't be taillights.
I was initially prompted to analyze the physical routine involved in flicking the blinker. What I discovered was astonishing. Did know that the motion it takes to turn on your blinker burns upwards of 0.003 calories? Already I was beginning to notice the benefits of ditching the blinker and blindly cutting lanes with no regard for human life.
We are overdue for another ice age seeing as it’s been like a couple hundred years since the last one or something. The threat of an ice age is so imminent that we could wake up tomorrow to frozen oceans and ferocious windigos knocking at our front doors. With the onset of such harsh conditions, every ounce of fat counts. Not one calorie can be frivolously wasted. Therefore, by avoiding the physical movement of switching on one’s blinker, they are essentially gearing themselves for the forthcoming ice age.
Meh, doesn't seem so bad.
Furthermore, with our economy making no vast improvements, the price of blinker fluid has become an unwarranted aggravation. Even purchasing synthetic blinker fluid leads to late car payments and delayed hair appointments. In addition, since synthetic blinker fluid is the most affordable, people have resorted to these products that rapidly eat away at blinkers making them unresponsive. These drivers have children to feed and their lives to hate; I ask that you tolerate their actions as they are simply looking out for what’s best for their family.
Lastly, flicking on your blinker delays the process of switching lanes by 0.00043 seconds. In total, if you frequently switched lanes while signaling, you could delay the time it takes you to get home by almost an entire quarter of a second.
Consider Billy: Billy just got out of work at 5:03pm. It takes him 28 minutes to get home. Unfortunately for Billy, 16 and Pregnant starts at 5:30pm. Billy has some lost time to make up. He cannot waste precious milliseconds with the hassle of flicking his index finger up a centimeter. If he wants to catch the start of the show, he’s going to have to ruthlessly haul ass without consideration for the well-being of his fellow drivers. Again, I ask for your tolerance when such people are forced into these dire and unfortunate situations.
I'll just let the picture do the talking.
According to science, I have proven to you that these people are in fact not stupid or ignorant. Through my studies, I have learned to pity those who cannot be hassled by the excruciating task of flicking on their blinker when they switch lanes. No longer will I speed up behind them and flash my high beams into their retinas. From this point forward, I will respect those who take the lives of themselves and others in their hands in order to complete the task set before them.
This is a submission to the 3rd Dude Write Challenge!