Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Science Behind Why People Don't Use Their Blinkers


I've noticed an increasing trend of terrible drivers on the road. Most common are those that refuse to signal their blinker. The staggering amount of driver’s that overlook the performance of such a simple, courteous, and lifesaving act was so overwhelming, that it convinced me to perform a social experiment. I refused to believe there are this many stupid and lazy people in the world. Thus, I present to you my conclusions:
Silly dog! Dogs can't be taillights.
I was initially prompted to analyze the physical routine involved in flicking the blinker. What I discovered was astonishing. Did know that the motion it takes to turn on your blinker burns upwards of 0.003 calories? Already I was beginning to notice the benefits of ditching the blinker and blindly cutting lanes with no regard for human life. 

We are overdue for another ice age seeing as it’s been like a couple hundred years since the last one or something. The threat of an ice age is so imminent that we could wake up tomorrow to frozen oceans and ferocious windigos knocking at our front doors. With the onset of such harsh conditions, every ounce of fat counts. Not one calorie can be frivolously wasted. Therefore, by avoiding the physical movement of switching on one’s blinker, they are essentially gearing themselves for the forthcoming ice age.
Meh, doesn't seem so bad.
Furthermore, with our economy making no vast improvements, the price of blinker fluid has become an unwarranted aggravation. Even purchasing synthetic blinker fluid leads to late car payments and delayed hair appointments. In addition, since synthetic blinker fluid is the most affordable, people have resorted to these products that rapidly eat away at blinkers making them unresponsive. These drivers have children to feed and their lives to hate; I ask that you tolerate their actions as they are simply looking out for what’s best for their family.
Go KaleCo!
Lastly, flicking on your blinker delays the process of switching lanes by 0.00043 seconds. In total, if you frequently switched lanes while signaling, you could delay the time it takes you to get home by almost an entire quarter of a second. 

Consider Billy: Billy just got out of work at 5:03pm. It takes him 28 minutes to get home. Unfortunately for Billy, 16 and Pregnant starts at 5:30pm. Billy has some lost time to make up. He cannot waste precious milliseconds with the hassle of flicking his index finger up a centimeter. If he wants to catch the start of the show, he’s going to have to ruthlessly haul ass without consideration for the well-being of his fellow drivers. Again, I ask for your tolerance when such people are forced into these dire and unfortunate situations.
I'll just let the picture do the talking.
According to science, I have proven to you that these people are in fact not stupid or ignorant. Through my studies, I have learned to pity those who cannot be hassled by the excruciating task of flicking on their blinker when they switch lanes. No longer will I speed up behind them and flash my high beams into their retinas. From this point forward, I will respect those who take the lives of themselves and others in their hands in order to complete the task set before them.

This is a submission to the 3rd Dude Write Challenge!

52 comments:

  1. Right now, I am weeping with shame and self-loathing, at the way I have treated what I then considered to be lazy arsed, pea brained drivers.

    I am disgusted that I ever flipped the bird, cussed their parentage, or likened their mamas to a garden implement. (hoe)

    Thank you for showing me the errors of my way, via this post. And next time I am almost mowed down by one of these upright citizens, I will remember their struggles and aims and say a silent "thank you Chiz, thank you."

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    1. It is alright. I acted the same way before discovering the true behind these struggling individuals. As long as you know now.

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  2. I have seen the light.

    I shall no long exhibit hulk like rage levels when I nearly plow into the side of someone because of there ignoran......wisdom.

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    1. They are just looking out for the wellbeing of their children and maybe trying to catch an episode of '16 and Pregnant'. I acted similar to you before I discovered the truth. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

      Delete
  3. Wait, you mean indicators need fluid? Oh no...

    *runs to car*

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    1. Yes, but make sure you use the good stuff. 1030BF or higher should be sufficient(And, I knew the English would have a different term for blinker).

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  4. Or you spend your entire day driving around gesturing to people to "use their flickers" but screwing up yer face and flicking your fingers at them. They're called "air flickers"

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    1. I do all sorts of gestures toward them, but never the "air flicker." I'm going to have to try that to see if I can get a response from them. Science!

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  5. Great posting I hate people who do that. I also hate drivers who drive for miles with the stupid light blinking, not knowing what they intend to do. They must think that drivers behind them use crystal balls to determine what stupid drivers on the road are going to do next. And well thanks for the laugh

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    1. Truthfully, it's not that they think we have crystal calls; it's that they don't think at all. The only thing they're focused on is their own self. And you are most certainly welcome.

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    2. Uh crystal calls...is that like mystical or imaginary calls? baawaa couldn't help myself.

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  6. People in Memphis are HORRIBLE drivers and break all the rules so I'm sort of immune to all that by now. I spent years in road rage over things like this but when they started running you off the road and pulling guns on you, I decided life just wasn't worth losing over this kind of shit. I save my anger for other things such as taking up 2 parking spaces when the lot is full. That's just so not right on many levels. Hey I don't want my nice car scratched either but its gonna happen even if I have to take a key to it myself, jk. BTW, I didn't know there was such an animal as "blinker fluid" either. *runs to car too*

    As usual is was nice hearing from you today. And thanks for making me laugh today. I needed it.

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    1. Bah, I'd probably already be dead if I lived in Memphis. Though, I have been getting my road rage under control. I used to go out of my way to freak people out if they didn't use their blinker. Now, I just turn the radio up loud and vent my anger while listening to Kiss from a Rose by Seal.

      Anyway, you are very welcome. I'm glad you got a chuckle out of it.

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  7. Oh my god, thank you Chiz. Now I know why NO-ONE in bloody California (not one person, I kid you not) uses their sodding indicators. They are all environmentally conscious hippies. Synthetic blinker fluid - LMAO

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    1. I was just having this conversation at the bar with a friend of mine who lived in California for a few years. He said the same exact thing, that they were overly environmentally conscious. Strange.

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  8. Damn Chiz, I went to lunch and caught myself thinking of those blasted blinkers and I mentally said "thank you so much for this Chiz". Just think how often I'll thinking about you now. hmmmmm

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    1. Every time you see a blinker. Better yet, every time you see taillights, Chiz will be the forefront memory in your mind.

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    2. No bout adout it. Sorry I'm remembering GYB's post on Pain in the Ka-neck. lol

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    3. You are forgiven. That was a hilarious post.

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  9. In my case, the blinkers simply stopped working. I don't want them repaired because, you know, it costs money.

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    1. The simplest car repairs cost an exorbitant amount of money. A garage wanted to charge me $70 dollars to replace a headlight bulb. So instead, I bought the bulb myself and replaced it for a whopping $5.

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  10. I think that for the most part it is a mixture of stupidity and laziness, or they just figure "well why should I?" Your first mistake is thinking that it wasn't caused by laziness.

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    1. It's such a far reach to flick the turning signal up or down. So, I suppose I can understand bypassing it due to extreme laziness.

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  11. Thanks for clearing that up. When I lived in Florida (in the eighties) I was told it was illegal to use your blinkers there, for any reason, so I just thought the rest of the country was catching on. Being the rebellious type that I am, I continue to use them just to confuse the general populace. Of course, now I live where we drive on the left, boy are these people ever confused.

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    1. I suppose it's alright if you don't use blinkers in Florida. I feel like it's impossible to be pissed off when you're there (probably because I'm from lovely Massachusetts). And, how in the world do you get used to driving on the left side?

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  12. This was bloody brilliant Chiz. The first picture was so funny. You know what's really sad? My Hubby is one of these people and it drives me bonkers. The man refuses to use his blinkers and yet he cusses when other people don't use theirs. We have produced offspring and thankfully our daughter didn't inherit this behavior. I'm worried about the future grandchildren though. What if this gene skips a generation?

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    1. I'm currently researching the genetics involved with blinker use. I've discover that some people have certain chemical components that generate the reactions or lack thereof. I suggest you have your grandchildren tested for these traits. And, I'm glad you liked the article.

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  13. I was just complaining about the same thing the other day. I am so over getting cut off without any notice. People are overly lazy these days - or perhaps just reaching epic level of douchbaggery

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    1. When I'm driving, the level of douchbaggery never ceases to amaze me. I actually got to a point where I had to yell at a guy yesterday, and I never do that. It's getting real bad.

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  14. Remember when I posted way up there about people taking up TWO parking spaces? Well I just thought of you today at lunch....again because when I got back SOMEONE had taken up 2 spaces. Come on now, I work where the parking spaces are right in front of our office spaces. You don't have far to walk people. I was so mad I put a sticky note on the window...

    "2 parking spaces???? Really, I mean REALLY?????"

    That's as nice as it gets. Next time I won't be so nice because I remember the car, hehe *evil grin*

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Just remove their side mirrors and write a note saying, "Sorry about removing your mirrors, it was the only way I could fit in the spot."

      Bah, it's frustrating as hell. I've never had a day where I did not notice at least one person double parked at the train station.

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  15. You are truly an inspired educator, and I feel I have grown as a person having read this post. I can now face homebound traffic assho---- (urkkkk) I mean drivers with a new found sence of tolerance and understanding. No longer will I find myself resisting the urge to run the "inconsiderate morons" (as I viewed them before reading your enlightening post) off the road, or speed around them and turn my signal on and let it blink for the next 10 miles while refusing to allow them to pass me. Instead, I will say to myself...it's alright that you almost ran me off the road or caused my front end to become intimately involved with your car, as long as you save yourself from missing that 0.00043 second of 16 and pregnant. Thank you Chiz.

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    1. You are quite welcome. I'm just aiming to improve the human condition, one shitty, grammatically flawed post at a time.

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  16. Love the tongue in cheek scientific proof.

    And you know flicking on your high beams was just needlessly burning calories that you'll need in the impending ice age, not to mention all of the high beam juice you're wasting....

    WG

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    1. It's hard to blame them for their faults when all they want to do is be prepared.

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  17. Well son of a nut cracker! Who woulda thunk that a silly thing like blinker fluid would divide this great nation. I'm placing this problem squarely on the shoulders of the all of those Lube joins with their 439 point inspection b.s.

    Apparently, not only do they not replace your washer fluid or check your tire pressures like they advertise, but they don't replace your blinker fluid as well.

    I'm writing my congressman...

    Fun post!

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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    1. Thank you for taking matters into your own hands. When I get my oil changed, they can tell me every other little details that's wrong with my car, but not once do they ever mention my need for additional blinker fluid.

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  18. Personally, I think it's the loose nut behind the wheel that makes the blinkers not work....

    whowouldathought-Kevin.blogspot.com

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    1. Ah, how didn't I think of that? Yet, nothing a simple Phillips head can't fix.

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  19. I'm not sure what's really worse... the lack of a blinker, or the 90 year old woman driving down the road with her blinker on...

    ...in a semi...

    I can't tell you how many times I have encountered this on the road, and it bugs me to no end...

    I guess extremes on both sides are bad?

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    1. Bah, that's the worse by far. It's always someone in a diesel truck, one that you are to nervous to race past should they actually decide to turn at the last second.

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  20. Does the dog know paw signals?

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    1. If so, that might be a more effective form of signaling. No one can ignore a dog poking out the back of a sedan.

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  21. I was forced, just last week to use hand signals for all of my left turns. Talk about exertion. I'd also like to note that people seemed angry with me for using my hand signals. I guess they didn't learn about them in drivers ed.

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    1. They're probably thinking it's some obscene gesture that foreigners use. It's astonishing how fast people can erase everything they learning in driver's ed.

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  22. Blinker fluid eh? Where can I get me some of that?

    When I use my blinkers, it is for the sole purpose of not getting pulled over, not for the courtesy for the other drivers.

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    1. The sell blinker fluid at any chain autoparts store.

      And, I use my blinker so when I eventually get into that looming accident, I can say I used my blinker.

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  23. I've actually been considering writing a post about how to signal the people who forget to turn their signals off, so this is funny to read.

    Great post as always.

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    1. I was thinking about this the other day. What hand gesture is appropriate for letting a driver know to use his blinker. I usually just do the flicking motion with my finger, but they never understand what I'm doing.

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