If you’ve ever been to an industrial area in the city, have you ever noticed that not every person in business attire is a dick, but everyone’s who’s a dick is dressed in business attire? No? Well, that’s how I feel anyway.
"I'm a unique individual." "Me too!" "Yeah, what he said."
Moving on; why is it that company’s force us to dress in attire that emits an aura of copious bags of douche? It’s not even a fact of what I prefer anymore; this style of clothing has a reflection on the company. Say I become a business man one day, when I walk into the office as a potential client, what part about strangulating shirt collars and fashionable nooses is supposed to be appealing to me? Who was the guy who decided this is the model of success? Because I for one think it’s a perfect model for self-mutilation. I’d rather see everyone in comfortable attire: something that will allow them more mobility to wrestle the bullshit flying at them day in and day out.
More so, when someone bumps in to me on the street whilst donning normal, loose-fitting clothes, I let it fly. They’re probably touring the city and are too preoccupied with admiring the skyscrapers to notice me in front of them. I can’t get mad at them for that. But, say a man in business attire does so much as graze my shirt sleeve, it’s: “Oh, it figures it would be a snooty business man! Ooo, look at me! I have important things to do like send faxes and arrange bagels in the break room! Was I walking too slow for you, you fuck?!” When the reality of the situation is that the man probably had to rush to the store before work to buy his daughter a stuffed animal or something. But, that doesn’t dawn on me as I’m already charging him on all-fours in a blind fit of rage.
This is Chad. He donates 10% of every check to charity.
That doesn't alter the fact that you want to punch him square in the face.
Admit it. You see a man in a business suit in the city getting his shoes shined while reading a newspaper; don’t you just get this intense urge to rip the newspaper out of his hands with your teeth and tear it to shreds like a rabid platypus? No? So, it’s just me again I see. Anyway, that’s how I feel. I see a man in business attire and automatically assume he’s a dick. That’s why I feel I never get thanked for holding a door open; people automatically think I’m going to slam the door behind me. They don’t have time to work a “thanks” through their lungs in time.
I suppose none of this makes sense since I’m not a businessman, but I’m forced to wear the same snobby clothing. I don’t think there’s a point to this post, but then again, I’m writing this while having the shakes and cold sweats due to lack of nutrition or something stupid and unimportant. Man, I hate being employed!
P.S. Sorry. Still suffering for writer’s block. I’m just pulling this out of my ass as if it wasn’t noticeable enough.
And, since this post wasn't really funny: