I was examining the contents of my wallet today and notice how well equipped it was. Aside from my credit card, debit card, ID, and
money, I have quite the array of unusual articles in it. Since I’m at a
loss of what to write about for ‘W,’ I will entertain you with the stuffing
inside my wallet.
Not my wallet.
Scuba Diving License
I find this form of identification extremely useful. Say a comrade of mine loses a very valuable item in the ocean such as a ring of keys, expensive jewelry, or a crystal Indiana Jones figurine. Well, all it would take me was a quick trip to the nearest scuba diving rental, a good $120 minimum, and a good 40 minute dive to come to the conclusion that my friend will never see his prized possessions again. It’s a good way to initiate the healing process.
Damn, I thought for sure I'd find that bobby pin.
Suppose I happen upon a gigantic lobster roaming the streets. He’s escaped from the local seafood restaurant and could fetch a good 20 bucks for his return. Without this form of identification, I would not be able to approach the fugitive; he would essentially have a government-protected restraining order against me. He may even cross the Mexican border before he encounters anyone with a lobster license. Unfortunately for him though, I have the requirements necessary to bring him to justice.
Honey, let's turn around. I don't like this neighborhood.
An American Express Gift Card with a Balance of $0
I’m walking my dog down the extremely low crime rate streets of my suburban town when all of a sudden, a masked burglar pounces out of a tanning salon/spa. He shouts for me to give him my money, but with a little persuading, I convince him that this American Express gift card with a balance of $0 actually contains $40 billion. What’s he going to take: my $4 and a piece of lint or a gift card worth $40 billion? Exactly.
Please, just take my credit card.
A Jack-O-Lantern Temporary Tattoo
For all those times that you happen upon a Halloween party. You never know when you’re going to run into a Halloween party.
Sweet tat! Come on in. The beers in the fridge.
13 Hooter’s Coupons, Good for 20 Wings for $10
This one speaks for itself. AM I RIGHT, GUYS! Yeahahahah! I’m such a loser.
That's cool and all, but where the fuck are my wings.