The pleasant resonance of a steady stream echoes throughout the acoustic alleviation station. You tilt your head back in relief as the pressure begins to subside. All of a sudden the bathroom door flings open, and a man takes the position left of you. No matter, just as long as he doesn’t— “Hey, buddy! What’s hangin’?”... Shit. Your stable torrent is cut short.
“Nothing”, you leave him nothing to work with. There’s no way he could ignite a conversa—
“Nothing’s better than something, right?” he punches your shoulder and boisterously laughs.
Oh you mother fucker. “Yeah, I suppose.” Keep giving him nothing. He can’t keep this up for too—
“Bugh,” a strange noise discharges from his face hole. “I was afraid that game was going to be postponed due to the rain last night.”
You are finally forced to give up all hope. You abscond the premises, unrelieved and unsatisfied. You’ll have to try again later.
We’ve all had these unfortunate run-ins with “Urinal Chatters.” Your body is expunging itself of harmful waste, and all it asks of you is to avoid awkward confrontation with other restroom-goers. But, even that is not easy to obtain with Urinal Chatters running amok.
However, these days of frustration and unwanted company are over. No longer will you be forced into conversation with your manhood functioning in your hand. May I introduce to you, Forced Urinal Chat Counter Operational Frighten and Flee deterrent. With FUCCOFF, you can finally enjoy a constant flow without out worry of distraction.
FUCCOFF comes in an easily concealable spray can that can fit in your pant’s pocket, shirt pocket, arm pocket, and pocket pocket. All that is required is that you remove the cap, aim the nozzle directly at the Urinal Chatter, and press down unleashing a scientific combination of habaneras, ground pepper, red peppers, bell peppers, jalapeños, and mercury into the eyes, throat, and nasal cavity rendering the perpetrator unable to speak, let alone breath.
This is a horrible example.
FUCCOFF works against such extreme cases as Urinal Weather Chatters, Urinal News Chatters, and Urinal Political Chatters. Find yourself playing therapist with an Insecure Urinal Chatter? FUCCOFF! Trying to fake laughter at the Lame Joke Chatter? FUCCOFF! Struggling to angle yourself away from the Unwavering Gaze Chatter? FUCCOFF! FUCCOFF! FUCCOFF!
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