Thursday, April 19, 2012

Q is for Quantum Leap


My name is Choz. That’s only a fraction of what’s left of my memory. Lost in this foreign era, I find myself being referred to as Chiz by the native-time people despite my innumerable corrections.

The last thing I remember from my own era was volunteering to test an updated version of Apple’s iTeleport 32. I assume that a quadromolecular glitch occurred in the flangometer which triggered a quantum leap to some unknown period, but that’s only a hypothesis.

Apparently, the Chiz I’m being identified as was tragically killed by a throng of fugitive zoo animals according to his obituary. However, many took this obituary as a joke on his behalf and believe he is still alive. I’ve been attempting to blend in as to not arouse suspicion which would be easy under normal circumstances considering this Chiz guy was apparently really fuckin’ weird, but in order for me to fulfill this role presently, I must carry on a challenge he carelessly submitted himself to: The A-Z Blogging Challenge.

Now, I’ve treaded the treacherous caves of Aernoth and fought in the Sporkle Arena against a gaggle of Shark Cheetah hybrids armed with nothing but a spigaggle and shmishy-smorsh, but never in my life have I faced a challenge this taxing.

I mean seriously, these humans whom have christened themselves ‘bloggers’ have a desire to torture themselves with such difficult tasks. Fortunately, this Chiz guy’s posts are severely lacking, making this challenge a little more manageable. For Splorg’s sake! He doesn’t even proofread them! Yet, it goes without saying that these bloggers must have fingers like oxmonkeys and minds like President Clinton-3000. They don’t even have superhuman enhancements in this primitive age.

All I can pray for is that I complete this challenge as to continue to mask my true identity of Choz of the 31st Century.
Only my prettiest photos are selected for this blog.
Half the time spent on posts is the selection process.

19 comments:

  1. Just be sure to feed the shiba inu while you're at it. Some quality stuff we like to call Alpo and Purina. It's what the Chiz would have wanted.

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. Is that what that hideous thing in the banner is? It seems content with eating its own poop.

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  2. Oh Choz, you card. Everyone knows that the flangometer must be calibrated downwise, otherwise you end up in an alternate dimension. Duh!

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    1. I suppose I should be thankful that that was the only issue. I wouldn't want to end up with a butt for a face.

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  3. I don't have the Apple iTeleport 32. I only have the Android equivalent, which has a few bugs, so I'm stuck in the year 1920. The women are all covered up, and alcohol is illegal, so unless I can fix this, I'm probably gonna kill myself. See you in the afterlife soon, Chiz!

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    1. Ah, that's horrid. Apparently this Chiz guy was an alcoholic. He's got a stash of Zimas and Smirnoff Ices in his fridge. Is that what all the heavy drinkers drink in these times?

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    2. Wait...you DON'T have a butt for a face? My plastic surgeon lied to me! That sonofahbitch. I've been thinking that the chastising calls of "ass face" were for the neighbor child's unfortunate face. Here it was, my poor, ill-researched, "act first think second" approach to major cosmetic surgery purchases. Dammit.

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  4. Replies
    1. Ah, I thought I was mimicking his strange lifestyle so well.

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  5. Omg, bring back Chiz, all is forgiven! What's a little herpes between friends, anyway?

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    1. Oh, well. You are certainly in a surprise next post. Oohoohooooo.

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  6. With cunning futuristic stealth skills like that I'll never figure out your from the future!

    -----------------Sincerly Ug the caveman

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    1. If you think that's cool, wait until I show you fire!

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  7. That is a very pained look on your face. I guess I should say "let the Force be with you". or some such nonsense.

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    1. Well, I was actually using the force in that photo. I'm just not well-adept at it yet.

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  8. Hi Choz, and welcome to the world in 2012. I do advise you, however, to try to find your way back to the 31st century, because this era sucks! If you can't find your way back, you'll get used to it here, it's not so bad...

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    1. Oh, any era that can stand idly by as Jersey Shore tops the charts is not for me.

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  9. I know a girl whose nickname is Choz. Lovely girl, if you can get past all the facial hair. Maybe she can help you feel more at home in our time.

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    1. Are you sure "she" wasn't "me" in disguise? Incredibly cool nickname, though.

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