Wednesday, April 18, 2012

P is for Professor Chiz

Back in the day, I used to be an English teacher at a prestigious university. Now, to all you teachers out there, it goes without saying that we all have that one wily, stubborn student who refuses to listen to and intake criticism. For me, that student was a young Mr. William Shakespeare. I'll show you just how sloppy his work was with an example of what he considered "one of his better sonnets":


Fortunately for Billy, he had an audience out there for his unkempt work, and somehow, beyond reason, his "Sonnet 18" is considered one of the most influential poems in the world. I'd take credit for this, but he didn't even take my corrections into consideration!

Kids those days!

P.S. I was never actually a professor. In fact, I wasn't even alive in the 1500s believe it or not. Also, I actually like Shakespeare's works; I'm just sayin' shit.

30 comments:

  1. Wish he would have taken your advice...I might not have to read everything 12 times to understand what he is saying. (The truth is, even after the twelfth time I still don't get it)

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    1. You try to help these students out, but then they go all, "I'm leaving it to the audience's interpretation." Unfortunately, he claimed that this was one of his more "straightforward" sonnets.

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  2. Poor Billy. I wonder if your corrections are what traumatized him to write his tragedies.

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. What probably traumatized him was his poor writing and lack of 'say-it-how-it-is-damn-it'.

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  3. He plagiarised my work. Here's how my Sonnet 18 started:

    "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day,
    Thou makes me clammy, and my flesh crackle"

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    1. "Ins't the glow set my skin ablaze,
      Hide from ivy lest thou have rash'st."

      That was your poem?!

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  4. Replies
    1. Thank you! And, sorry I hadn't followed your blog sooner. If I had only known how awesome it was earlier. Definitely following now though.

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  5. I hate you. That is all.

    P.S
    You're P.S's crack me up!

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    1. Thank you! I'm writing these things, and the whole time I'm thinking, "why am I doing this; it's not funny at all." I'm glad you enjoy it though.

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  6. I also like poems about boobs. And sonnets. And books. And especially magazines.

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    1. I tried to tell him that that's what true writing is about!

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  7. Haha awesome! I laughed so much while reading that :)

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    1. I'm glad! I found his writing to be a bit absurd as well.

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  8. Apparently poems about boobs were not in vogue at the time but I'll give your grading a B+...does that help you?

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    1. Ugh! Well I never... Boobs have always held a firm place in history.

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  9. Shakespeare almost wrote about my boobs. He compared them to peas, which is dumb because they aren't green at all.

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    1. Bah, he was probably color blind. Plus, he's comparing this woman's boobs to "buds of May." He must get a kick out of it.

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  10. Ha ha just realised I missed this. You crack me up. Hilarious!

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    1. Awesome! Thanks for the backtrack!

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  11. Great post! (very funny) For me it brings up old memories that make me mad! I always liked writing in the way people speak but would all was get corrected in english class and at the same time the english teacher would be going all ga ga over Shakespheres work! Which was not proper english either! It drove me mad!!
    But your post is great and I had a good ol' nostalgic laugh about it! Thanks for this!

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    1. You are most certainly welcome. But, I know exactly what you mean about the professors. I took a fiction class, and my teacher was an absolute retard. She didn't know a thing about writing. Her lesson plans consisted of PowerPoints featuring plagiarized articles from the web. Bah! Rant: Over.

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  12. God, what a bloody slacker this Billy is! :)

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    1. It seems like the slackers always succeed one way or another.

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  13. :-) Splendid. I love a good English joke.

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  14. Claire is right, this is too funny. I'll have to show it to my 14 yr. old who is hating her english teacher.

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    1. Awesome! I hope she gets a laugh out of it.

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  15. Thank you! I'm writing these things, and the whole time I'm thinking, "why am I doing this; it's not funny at all."

    Oh contraire, you f'ing hilarious and you know it. I appreciate the P.S.'s because I was just SMH at the "I was once an English teacher at a University" and I was like...WTH???? Blink a blink.

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    1. I seriously don't know what I'm doing half the time. I just go with the flow and then stuff like this comes out sometimes.

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