Monday, April 16, 2012

N is for Nostalgia


While perusing my room one day, I happened upon an ancient artifact I hadn’t seen in ages. I moved the 14 year old condoms and seashell collection that were disguising the relic. I picked it up gently and it erupted in a magical display of lights and sounds. On the bottom of the object it spelled out the words Lights Out.
I found it to be a challenging puzzle game, but despite the simplicity of the objective, I found myself not being able to put the dwarfish machine down. However, the longer I pounded my fingers against the rubber squares, the more I felt a sickening feeling that I was longing for some unknown thing I could not attain. The sensation got so intense that I decided to visit a doctor about the issue.

While sitting in the waiting room in the ER, I fiddled with the Lights Out. I rotated it around in my hands, smelled it, and even tasted it, searching for any signs of radiation or ancient alien viruses. The child sitting next to me tried to reach out and touch the strange machine, but I quickly reacted with a swift roundhouse kick to his upper body. He would probably thank me if he could just understand the negative consequences of physical contact with the machine.

“Chiz!” the nurse yelled. I got up and followed her into the doctor’s office. “Wait here please,” she said as she left.

Moments later, the doctor entered the room and I quickly shoved the Lights Out into my back pocket. “What seems to be the problem, sir?” he inquired while sensually donning surgical gloves. I proceeded to explain the situation to him. How I found a strange machine amidst my belongings; how I’ve had a strange pressure in my gut ever since. “May I see this relic you speak of?”  I was hesitant to show him, but I bravely reached into my pocket and pulled it out.

The doctor gasped and grabbed his chest! “Doctor! Are you alright?” I panicked.

“You fool! I have contracted your nostalgia!”

“Nostalgia?” the word alone sounded life-threatening.

“Yes! You must leave this place at once! There is no time to explain! You mustn’t spread this disease to anyone else! May God have mercy on us both!” Just then, he picked up a scalpel and started waving it at me. I instantly fled the office and sought serenity in a nearby park.

I contemplated my situation and the unknown life-threatening disease I had contracted. Nostalgia was certainly coursing through my veins, and I could feel it. Just then, I had an idea. If I could only destroy this artifact, then maybe the symptoms would disappear.

So, I raced to the nearest volcano and entered its domain. I held the Lights Out above the lengthy drop into the pool of lava. I felt my fingers loosening when I heard someone behind me.

Don’t do it! Give me the Lights Out!” I turned to see the doctor crawling toward me. Saliva dripped from his maw as he reached forth.

No,” I cried, “it has caused us much harm and must be destroyed.” In saying that, I dropped the Lights Out. The doctor flew by me and dove for it, catching it in midair as both he and the devilish machine cascaded into the lava below.

After the traumatic experience, I found that I had no longer bore the symptoms of the debilitating disease, nostalgia.

And, then I saw a dragon. The End.

P.S. Sorry I’ve been away for the weekend and haven’t been able to view comments and other’s blog posts. I will eventually get to them all. I was just having a busy weekend. Also, I ran out of reserved posts; so tomorrows post will be in the afternoon as opposed to in the morning.

31 comments:

  1. Now I've got a bad case of nostalgia, and I might have to call into work to spend some time with my Simon Says (I wasn't cool enough for Lights Out).

    Also, this story has the most amazing ending ever. How can you top a dragon?

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    1. I used to cheat with Simon Says. I'd write the colors down on a notepad. It fueled my ego I suppose.

      And, I'm glad you appreciate the ending. It took me 40 hours to write it.

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  2. (wipes tears of laughter from eyes) Where the hell is the nearest volcano from you?

    Loved the ending!

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    1. It's roughly 2,000 miles away give or take. I'm just a really fast drive.

      Delete
  3. I get the nostalgia all the time, although I have to admit, I am not familiar with Lights Out.

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    1. It came out about 17 years ago, and I'm 23 so it brings about much nostalgia for me.

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  4. What kind of dragon? Was it a level twenty Elvish Fire Dragon from Bintaa-Lang.
    LIAR. They only have level ten dragons there.

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    1. Ah, well, if you add The Cloak of Ultimate Mana, they can override level 10 and reach level 12 with ease or something.

      Delete
  5. I have that game! Haven't played it for awhile though. I don't have a problem with nostalgia. The again, I hate to hear old songs. they always bring back memories and I prefer to live in the present. maybe I do have a problem after all. Funny story!

    I'm a new follower via the A to Z. Nice to meet you!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I have a few songs that bring on memories that are better left forgotten. Anyway, thanks for following!

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  6. Glad to see you saved that kid from the machine by giving him a round house kick to the chest! Not everyone would have the courage to do what you did!

    Thankfully I don't know what a Lights Out Machine is so I'm immune to the nostalgia!

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    Replies
    1. Oh, I;m glad. It's an addicting game and I don't know why. It's like a demented form of minesweeper.

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  7. You are quite, quite mad - love it! I get hit with Nostalgia sometimes ... rubiks cube can bring it on, as can Space Invaders.

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    1. I'm glad you finally realized that I'm not quite the narrowest of arrows. But, rubiks cube are still the rage.

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  8. So this is a new movie combining National Treasure and Joe And The Volcano??? Did I miss a sentence? Cure for nostalgia>>>use an iPhone app, works everytime. And you're welcome.

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    1. Damn, the discovered the background of all my posts! But, I saw maybe remakes of Lights Out on the interwebs while searching for that picture I used.

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  9. Poor Doctor. I only wonder if he will emerge from the lava and become a super-villain robot: Nostalgia-tron.

    And, oh man, those Tiger electronics! I may need to stay away from volcanoes these next few days.

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. Tiger is the number one distributor of nostalgia.

      And the villainous name is actually really catchy!

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  10. I appear to have caught your nostalgia. I hope these antibiotics clear it up, otherwise I'll see you in court. You never told me you had nostalgia before luring me into bed!

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    1. I was afraid you wouldn't want to be with me had you known.

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  11. I love it, "contracted your nostalgia" brilliant!

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad I can inform the public of the harmful effects of nostalgia.

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  12. hahah, this was great! crazy, absurd, plain weird... but great!

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    1. Thanks! I do my best to be awkward.

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  13. Damn I think I've caught you're nostalgia; I want to, no wait, need to find out more about this relic you speak of, and the dragon! :)

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    Replies
    1. Bloody hell I must learn to spell! your not you're lol

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    2. Just don't toucht he object. You may inherit the nostalgia.

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  14. The end...no wait...dragon...what? You cannot just end like that.

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    1. The dragon is a very essential element that will be explained in the sequel.

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  15. I've never heard of this Lights Out you speak of. Maybe because my family has always been dirt poor, and the only toys my parents could afford to get me as a child, were toys they found in the neighbors garbage bins.

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    1. It's basically a light-up puzzle game. If you press a button the surrounding blocks light up/shut off depending on their current status. The object is to turn all the lights off. I don't know if you can find it anywhere anymore.

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