In my newly acquired gigantic pool purchased with straight-up cash, I will build an artificial island. I will fill the island with bonsai trees and create a self-sustaining environment complete with minnows swimming around in the pool (Those things will look like great whites to the finger monkeys. Am I right? Haha! I’m right, aren’t I? Yeah). I’ll then surround the pool in an artificial sky (You know, so the finger monkeys don’t know they’re in a pool).
Once the island of Chizopolotopialand is complete, I will herd the finger monkeys into a box and secure little bags, blindfolds, or thimbles over their heads. I will then dress in a ceremonial gown and headdress (this part will make sense in a bit). Entering Chizopolotopialand, I will release the monkeys onto the island whilst I remove their bags/blindfolds/thimbles. The first thing they will see is me in all my lavish glory donning beautiful garments and granting them the gift of sight. I will then bestow upon them sumptuous delicacies such as mushy bananas and Oreos. I will return everyday and bequeath them these bountiful nourishments, and they will build monuments in favor to my magnificence.
After a few days, I will return to the finger monkeys with miniature sweater vests. However, I will only gift these sweater vests to half of the finger monkeys and disappear into the artificial sky. They will be glorious sweater vests with shiny faux jewels. The monkeys will gratefully accept my endowment. Yet, the sweater vestless monkeys will be overcome with jealousy and begin to hate the sweater vest finger monkeys.
I’m assuming the rise in tensions will result in the creation of two separate factions. The island will be divided down the middle. After an allotted time, the monkeys will grow to respect their boarders; this is when I will bestow upon them one more gift. In the cover of night, I will deliver miniature swords and shields along their beaches. When the monkeys arise in the morning, they will discover the foreign weaponry littering their beaches and will learn the true destructive power of steel.
The finger monkeys now have the resources to protect themselves… and retaliate. Tensions will once again rise as the monkeys flaunt their newfound weaponry from opposite sides of the boarder. Further and further the finger monkeys intimidate each other, until one monkey decides to finally lash out. With the first clang of metal on metal, I will rush to the island and view the commencement of The Sweater Vest Finger Monkey War. While the battle rages on, I will have a boom box blaring this song:
Once the war is over and only a few finger monkeys remain, I will build a fulsome paradise for the finger monkeys to live on for eternity (or like 2 years or however long they live).
Yeah, something like this.
Also, I will record the results or something.
I should be banned from Blogger.