Thursday, April 12, 2012

K is for Knock Knock Jokes

The television emitted the intelligent tête-à-têtes of the 16 and Pregnant cast. The popcorn felt like… buttery balls between my chubby fingers… or something. I was in a state of utter bliss until I heard a rapping at the front door. I struggled to remove myself front the concaved couch and started toward the knocking. “Who’s there?” I murmured.

I high pitched voice echoed from outside, “It’s Boo!”

I thought for a moment and then came to the conclusion that I did not know anyone by such a name. “Boo who?” I inquired.

“Whatcha cryin’ for?” the voice questioned.

What a remarkable question. Why was I crying? A moment ago I was delightfully indulging in American reality television, and next, I was vocally crying out boo hoo.  I flung the door open as my curiosity got the better of me. Before me stood a young lad, roughly of the 5-year-old variety. “Who are you?” I inquired once more.

“Hutch!” The child gleefully replied.

Again, I’ve never heard of such a name. “Hutch who?” I impatiently asked.

“Bless you!” he said in such a way as if he knew the sneeze was coming. There was something horrifyingly off about the situation. 

“Please! Tell me who you are!”

“Armaggedon,” he chuckled.

What was this child getting at? His response gave me a chill as I uttered, “Armageddon who?”

“Armaggedon outta’ here!” As soon as the child answered, he began running off into the distance while emitting an unsettling giggle.

I was left completely immobile as I attempted to comprehend the situation. The child seemed to compel me to vocalize actions and thoughts without my consent. He forced me to cry, to sneeze, to recite an incomplete sentence. I had no control over his sorcery. I closed the door and bolted it shut. I wearily made my way back to the sofa as I tried to free my mind from the trickery of what was almost certainly a demon spawn of some sort.

Knock, knock.

I gripped my chest as my heart skipped a beat. I looked back to the door in horror. “Wh-Who’s th-th-there?”

“Cash.”

C-C-Cash who?”

“No thanks, I prefer peanuts.” An animated cackle reverberated through the house.

The demon’s presence weighed heavily on me. I could feel my soul slowly slipping away from me. “Get out!” I screamed. “Get away from me you demon bitch!” I cried. Silence followed my uproar.

I had finally warded off the demon sorcerer. Or though I was lead to believe…

Knock, knock.

Dun, Dun, Dunnn, or something. The End.
Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Photoshop Skillz
Oh, and it's my 100th post! Woo!

30 comments:

  1. Utterly, completely, and totally fantastic! That's all I can say about this.

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    1. Thanks a lot! I appreciat it. I hope you liked it because the rest of my posts are going to suck.

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  2. A demon straight from the fiery depths of hell... or something.
    Congrats on the 100th.

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    1. Thanks! And yeah, I was trembling in my boots... or something.

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  3. I think there's a correlation between you watching 16 and Pregnant and spontaneously crying.

    Also, this was brilliant.

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    1. Thanks! And, I get the same way with Maury and Spongebob Squarepants; so you may be right.

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  4. Ha!
    Thanks for the chuckles ... or groans.
    And kudos on your blogging milestone!

    Visiting as an A to Z blogger.

    All on Blogspot.com and all in the A to Z Challenge:

    Heart of a Ready Writer – Bible & Devotional
    Meme Express – Daily Blog Prompts (A to Z)
    Nickers and Ink – Featuring favorite classic poems from A to Z
    Practically at Home – See what fellow writers are cited – with article links!
    The Mane Point –Profiling special horses from A to Z
    Working in Words – Writing How-to’s

    Click my name/icon for links to all these blogs! Happy A-to-Z!

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    1. Why thank you very much! And, you must be busy with all those blogs.

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  5. OH MY SHIT! I am crying here!!

    Street cars are going off, as my laughter echoes around the neighbourhood. Dolphins are being washed up on beaches, at my high pitched keening, as I seek to draw breath. In other words, that was fantastic!

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    1. Your comment made my day! Thanks you, Lily!

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  6. My daughter loved knock knock jokes that were not funny. She would make them up and we had to fall about laughing or she would get upset. Shes stopped now she 26 lol
    Hope if you have time you could stop over at my blog
    www.jollyjillys.blogspot.com anytime
    Im now following

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    1. I'm 23 so I still find them utterly hilarious. Only 3 more years of this!

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  7. That is an amazing post! I haven't laughed so hard at a blog post ever! Thanks so much for this!!

    Congrats on the 100th post too!

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    1. Wow, I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thanks!

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  8. Ha ha cheered up my afternoon, thanks. My son went through a very annoying phase of pathetic knock-knock jokes (are there anything else?) that centred around Dr Who and went something like this: knock knock, who's there, doctor, doctor who, YES how did you know it was me ha ha ha ha ha ... after 25 million of these I almost committed infanticide (or whatever it's called to kill a 9-10 yr old!). Congrats on your 100th post :)

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    1. Thanks, Claire! Yeah, knock knock jokes can become extremely overbearing as I've just verified.

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  9. My three year old uses the "don't cry its only" part of that joke for every knock knock joke...who's there...dog...dog who...don't cry its only a dog... It does get a little...um... "OK, TY...only two more!"

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    1. That is incredible! I feel like that would be the perfect sketch for a comedy show.

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  10. I have a soft spot in my heart for knock-knock jokes!!
    Monica, Older Mommy Still Yummy

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    1. Wait until this demon spawn comes knocking at your door.

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  11. What a great post! You are the master of 100 posts...congrats!

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    1. Thank you very much! I wouldn't refer to myself as a master, more like an emperor of sorts.

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  12. He was probably related to me. I am mixed. My father is 100% horrible comedian, and my mother is 100% witch.

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    1. Oh, well come grab your child from my front steps! He's scaring me!

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  13. Bravo! You brain appears to hardly be able to contain itself at times. Who was the little punk that made your popcorn grow cold??

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    1. I can only describe him as evil... pure and unadulterated evil.

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  14. Thanks for a very good laugh on a Sunday afternoon! Glad I stumbled on your blog through the a to z challenge! Keep up the great posts!

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    1. Thanks a lot! I'm glad you like my blog.

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  15. I have a soft spot i
    Knock Knock Jokesn my heart for knock-knock jokes!!

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    1. Wow, that is wuite the site you have! Every knock-knock joke I've ever hear and more.

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