Sunday, April 1, 2012

A is for Apocalypse

Now, let’s all start by admitting that we’re all looking forward to an epic apocalypse. I don’t mean any of those ‘flash of light leading to the disintegration of the world’ types of apocalypses (or alien invasions because if they can make it here, it’s safe to say they got way better technology and weapons than us). To give you an idea of the categories of apocalypses that I would be most pleased with, let me provide you a fanciful list:

Zombie Apocalypse
I'm so ridiculously out of fashuuuuuuuuhn.
If you saw this one coming you can go ahead and be sure to limber up before patting yourself on the back. Yep, a customary, run-of-the-mill zombie outbreak will accomplish nothing less than reignite that warm, fuzzy feeling that accompanies your first blumpkin.

When that first state of emergency broadcast hits the airwaves my only concern would be concealing that flood of excitement that is soon to follow. Firearms and ammunition will be stripped from every location in the area, but that’s okay because I’m seeking a more experiential approach to this fortunate event. That’s why my first pit stop would be an oriental souvenir shop where I would proceed to equip myself with the sleekest and most badass looking blade. What? The swords are only for show? Yeah, well, we’ll put that theory to the test.

I’ll first let the zombies weed out the unprepared where I will then proceed to relieve them of their firearms and provisions. It’ll be like going shopping on Black Friday minus the crowds. You’ll even get to retaliate by chucking a grenade or two at those customers that especially irk you.

But, it is pointless for me to continue on with listing monotonous reasons of the epicness of a zombie outbreak. It goes without saying that we all undoubtedly beam at the thought of this “catastrophe.”

Nuclear Holocaust
I call dibs!
As long as you reside in the regions unaffected by the looming radiation, this end to humanity can actually be considered quite amusing. The challenge of restarting civilization from scratch can be a bit intimidating, but think of all the decrees that will no long be ominously threatening your freedoms. Exciting isn’t it?

I’m talking about the lawless state that can only be portrayed in Fallout, Mad Max, and Book of Eli. I want to recklessly zoom over desert land in a dune bug equipped with RPGs. I’m a big fan of urban exploration as is, but imagine if I could have that same experience in virtually every building.

Also, similar to the zombie apocalypse, I would don only the most epic armor and weaponry. I’d have no problem wandering around the vast, empty landscape with a sawed-off, samurai sword, and expensive shades. Oh, and a sweet mustache would top it all off.

Massive Sun Flare
I imagine it'd be kinda like this or something.
Well, as long as they aren’t too hot. I would like a massive sun flare to permanently disable all electronics in the world. We will soon discover the survival of the fittest. This is basically the same thing as the nuclear holocaust minus the mass destruction caused by esssplosions.

To see everyone on common ground would be quite the experience. No rich, no poor. Money can’t buy you shit. It’s shape up or ship out. Basically, I’d just like to see factions form and territorial wars fought at close range. No missile attacks or any of that nonsense. Straight up barricades, projectile weapons, makeshift catapults, banners fading in and out of flickering flames; you know, the works.

Wow! I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. Anyway, it’s only the first letter of the alphabet so I got 25 more to go.

42 comments:

  1. Keep those solar flares away, I don't think I'd be suited to survive that kind of apocalypse ;)

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    1. I'm sure you'd do fine. Just join the strongest faction right off the bat.

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  2. If I could somehow team up with Milla Jovovich from Resident Evil, then you can put me down for Zombie Apocalypse.

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    1. Definitely join up with Milla. A deadly femme fatale would work wonders for any survival party.

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  3. Well done dude...don't we all want a zombie apocalypse??

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    1. Yeah, pretty much. That's why I listed it first. In the unfortunate event that the zombie apocalypse doesn't come to fruition, I listed the other two as back-ups.

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  4. I have a friend who literally scares me with this stuff.

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    1. You just have to embrace the fun in an apocalypse.

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  5. Hell Yes...

    Great start... to the challenge "A" is for Awesome!
    Jeremy [Retro-Zombie]
    A to Z Co-Host
    IZOMBIE: Visit the Madness

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    1. "Hell yes" indeed. Thanks for the feedback!

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  6. I've always imagined myself fighting off zombies with a machete.

    And in the event of an apocalypse you'd find me touring as many chemists (drug stores) that I could find (I've got insulin dependent diabetes so lack of electricity, zombies and radiation would just be the beginning of my worries.

    Chippy

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    1. Oh damn. Well I'd be happy to raid those drug stores with you. At the first sign of the apocalypse, meet me at Rite Aid.

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  7. Replies
    1. Especially if it unfolds the way I described.

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  8. Wow, you're the second apocalypse today, but I love your zombie take on it. I have a son who's prepared a zombie emergency kit. Funny that the CDC thinks they're great. =D

    http://weavingataleortwo.blogspot.com/

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    1. Yeah, I've seen a few apocalypse themes myself. And your son sounds like a very smart man. You can never be too prepared.

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  9. I love end of the world shit. Knowing is my fave movie at the moment just because they all die, haha! I'd love for a big ass meteorite to wipe us out, I'd want front row seats to see that bad boy land :)

    Universal Gibberish

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    1. I've never seen that movie, but now that you mention it, I'm definitely going to check it out. And, yeah, watching that meteor land would be epic as hell, but I don't want to go out that way.

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  10. Replies
    1. Yep, no better way to initiate a challenge than to end it right away.

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  11. Stopping by as part of the A-Z Blogging Challenge, and I must say this is the most unique "A" I've read today. Keep up the great work!

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    1. Awesome. I realize the apocalypse thing is a little overdone, but hey, it's fun to write about.

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  12. Is that Darryl from 'The Walking Dead' in the first image?

    Yeah, as far as doomsday is concerned, I'd rather opt for the Zombie demise. It would be considerably more fun shooting the undead, plus, look at all the free stuff you can get at the stores!

    In addition, at least one would have a fighting chance, unlike a sun flare or nuclear attack.

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    1. I have no idea. I've never seen the show even though people say I should.

      Yeah, zombie apocalypse should be first in everyone's books.

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  13. Oh. The second apocalypse post for A to Z that I have discovered. Someone is trying to tell me something. Must buy more chocolate.

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    1. Congratulations! You broke the code! And, yeah I've stumbled upon a few similar posts myself.

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  14. What, no plague? :P

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. Well, as long as I'm immune to the plague then that's fine by me.

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  15. If it's going to be a zombie apocalypse then I want to play it like DOOM -- with a chainsaw! xD

    Sarah @ The Writer's Experiment

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    1. Ooo. Going for the classic chainsaw. Old school.

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  16. I vote for an apocalypse where beautiful women want to have sex with geeky looking bloggers. Is that a real thing? If it is, I vote for that one.

    Nice start. I'm (sorta) playing along at home.

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    1. Ah, I don't know how I missed that one! Damn, ah and I see you are playing along in the challenge as well (sorta).

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  17. I am hoping for a zombie apocalypse - a few of my friends and I are saving up to buy a shit ton on treadmills to surround our homes - perfect Zombie defense.

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    1. That is probably the best advice I've ever heard of.

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  18. Very creative--good job. Zombies and the end. Yikes.

    Teresa

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, here's hoping a zombie virus somehow transpires.

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  19. If I absolutely have to choose, it's solar flare all the way. Zombies bore me. They're as fast as slugs drying out in the sun. Nuclear holocausts bore me,too. Just because. No reason for that one.

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    1. Alright. Good choice. With a sun flare there will still be a good amount of people around for sometime at least.

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  20. Check out the reality show The Colony - perhaps you should be a star. I actually don't know if it's still on, it's on netflix right now - the idea being they put a group of people somewhere a disaster has struck and they're the only ones left standing and they have to rebuild society. it has its moments.

    Zombies would be awesome! I love disasters. I'm like one of those horrible people that hopes when something happens the death toll is high and bloody.

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    1. I have it on my instant queue.

      I've seen an episode of it on television, but I was unsure of what was happening. Is it a reality show or are the people acting because they had like villians and shit. It looked good either way.

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  21. Sorry it's taken me so long to catch up, I'll be reading all of your posts in due course.

    Also, you can put me down for a zombie apocalypse. I think everyone has their own plan for when the zombies arrive. Mine is to pretend to be a zombie in crowds, and slowly make my way to the Houses of Parliament, where I will set up until the whole thing blows over. Once the outbreak is contained, I will be the de facto leader as I'm already inside the main government building. Makes perfect sense.

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    1. Don't worry. The only reason I'm keeping up with comments is because I'm slacking at work.

      And, I don't foresee anyway wrong in your plan.

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