Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I is for Investment Strategy


Now that the economy is regaining some strength, I thought I’d provide you guys with some tips for generating a safe investment strategy. Through carefully and arduously examining stock holdings and economic wealth guarantees, I have come up with some guidelines for secure, money-builders.

Lottery Tickets

There is no safer way to invest your funds than to purchase stockpiles of lottery and scratch tickets. Sure, people label such investments as “betting” and “gambling,” but are you truly gambling if you know you’re going to win? Look at it this way: many of you probably have a few thousand bucks saved up. If you invest all those funds into buying 1-2 dollar lottery tickets, then you are bound to win something. My positive calculations state that the odds of you winning is 113.34% or something. I forget the exact figure but, it was something like that.
Instant riches.
Invest in Cutting-Edge Ideas

First, let me warn you; do not invest in technological devices because I read somewhere that sooner or later, they are going to become obsolete since brain computers are pretty much almost developed or something like that.

Anyway, people love revolutionary ideas that remodel our lifestyles. I’m talking about investing in foolproof money-makers such as finger pillows, arm hair straighteners, shoes for your shoes, and lipstick for men. With stocks as secure as these, you are guaranteed to receive three times your initial investment.
Safest investment in the world.
Plan a Business
When you think ‘money-making business’, what’s the first idea that pops in your mind? Yep! A silly t-shirt company!

There is no easier way to rake in the dough than to print silly animals saying even sillier things on t-shirts. To help you get started, I have a few ideas for t-shirts:
Original designs by Chiz.
With these simple ideas to get you started, you’ll be running out of stock within the first week. Therefore, I suggest you at least supply yourself with a minimum of 40 thousand plain, white t-shirts.

You are most certainly welcome for this guaranteed investment strategy. Feel free to donate any of your earnings as thanks for my generosity.

28 comments:

  1. Instead of buying t-shirts, can I just send YOU my thousands? You can invest it for me.

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    1. Absolutely! Of course the transaction may be subject to fees.

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  2. Silly t-shirts are great and everything, but why hasn't anyone ever done a silly trousers company? You could have slogans running down your legs that say "I stand by the other guy!", and an "Exit" sign on your bum.

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    1. My goodness gracious... Brilliant! You better hope no one steals your idea. Wait here while I punish my ideas-man for not thinking of such an incredible investment plan.

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  3. Silly trousers idea is genius! You should make that tee, I'd buy it!

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    1. Make a silly tee WITH silly trousers on them? At this rate, I'm going to be losing followers to these brilliant ideas.

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  4. LOL. Good times.

    New follower, here from A to Z. Cool to meet you, Chiz!

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    1. Excellent! Thanks for following!

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  5. Replies
    1. Why thank you very much, Lily! Coming from you, that's an honor.

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  6. i think you are giving people bad advice.... funny advice! but baaaaaad.......;)

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    1. Nah, this is wonderful advice to those who choose to follow it.

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  7. I have to say it...awesome drawings. I feel inspired.

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    1. I'm glad someone recognized the drawings. It took me like 40 seconds to draw each one. That's like 7 minutes altogether.

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  8. Fingerless gloves = handerpants.

    What's next, GQ magazine for women?

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. You may be on to something there.

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  9. I have come up with a brilliant idea. My friend and I were talking about skinny women, and she said that they often complain about painful sex. The pubic bone can get bruised in the act, you know what I am mean. So, I decided to make and sell little pillows to prevent this from happening. What do you think?

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    1. Kind of like a neck pillow? A pillow for your privates? A Prillow? Or a Pillate?

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  10. I won a thousand dollars on a lottery ticket when I was 18! But I spent it all on food. So I'm gonna have to invest in a different way, I'm thinking invest in a blog about investing! Cause blogging is where the moneys at!

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    1. You should invest in more video reviews because those things could rake in some serious dough.

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  11. I started this, for some reason, thinking you were going to be serious and I was like great, I won't understand any of this, and then lottery tickets pops up and I'm laughing. Very funny Chiz.

    Rosemary and potatoes? To random to not make me crack up again.

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    1. Oh, I am rarely serious. Being serious isn't as fun.

      And, I was literally laughing out loud to myself when I wrote that. I have no idea why. I'm assuming lack of sleep?

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  12. After looking at the stock market today, thaose ideas ain't half bad! Thanks for the lottery tip.

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    1. Oh, you are most certainly welcome, Chuck.

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  13. I have a great piece of ocean front property in Arizona if anyone is interested. It's a real good investment!
    .
    .
    .
    giggle

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    1. It is remarkable that it took me as long as it did to realize what you did there.

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  14. My business venture would be to create some sort of non- tobacco cigarette called the Nageela (sp?). The marketing campaign would be " have a, have a Nageela..."
    But you can't advertise cigarettes on TV anymore, so I may have missed my opportunity. Damn - where was your investment info when I needed it?
    Visiting from A-to-Z Challenge
    Http://msmousecleanshouse.wordpress.com

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    1. I'm sorry! The economy wasn't in dire need of rescue when cigarettes were being advertised on television.

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