Friday, April 6, 2012

F is for Flirtatious Dog


So, I have a slut for a dog. Many people would refer to him as a Shiba Inu, but I see through his façade. He’s a no good, filthy harlot.

Whenever I’m home alone with Pogo, he has no problem jumping on my lap and receiving a good head scratch. However, the issue is when others are around. He instantly turns into an attention-seeking slut. Despite how I beckon his name, he ignores my call and prances around the room like he’s some sort of marvel to gawk at. Where was this dog a minute ago before everyone arrived? Oh, we’re not worthy of your greatness! Get over yourself, Pogo! I hope you get around to reading this and feel like a little skank!  Yet, regardless of his obvious display of narcissism, people actually give him the attention he wrongfully deserves. He struts across the room with his curly tail perked up; flashing his anus to everyone he passes. How can they not see that he’s using them?

Recently, I caught him licking a person. He was slowly caressing her leg with his tongue. If it weren’t for my intervention, he’d be jackhammering her leg until it fractured.

Later, after everyone had left, he put on the same ol’ front I’ve seen a million times before and tries to get cozy with me. It’s like he had no recollection of how he just acted. How he treated me like a peon far below his empire of pats and compliments. He then tried to win me over my licking my hand, but I pulled away. I’m not falling for his deception anymore.
Yeah, that's me trying to make my dog look slutty.
Now, I’ve got a rash where he managed to sneak a lick on my hand. I’ve scheduled an appointment at a clinic, but there’s no use; I already know it’s herpes contracted from that girl he was slobbering over.

Unfortunately, we’re still not talking. He’s still acting like he has no idea what he did. Pogo’s playing his oh-so-common dog-card. He thinks that he can play stupid because he’s an animal, but I know he’s realized the error of his ways; he’s just too stubborn to admit that he acted foolishly.

Here’s hoping he eventually breaks.

29 comments:

  1. My dog and my cat are both guilty of this - it's like they forget who feeds them.

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    1. Don't give herpes to the hand that feeds you.

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  2. Your dog has given you herpes after contracting it from a womans leg? Where the hell has her leg been?! It really doesn't bear thinking about, lol.
    Great post.

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    1. It's almost as odd as hand herpes.

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  3. Love the post this has been my laugh for the day

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    1. Awesome. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  4. Pah! Dogs, all they do is take take take! And all you get in return is herpes, typical.

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  5. I had a cat that used to try and strangle me in my sleep. After all the attention and care I gave her during the day, that was how I was repaid! :)

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    1. Haha, what? That's pretty insane.

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  6. There is not enough time to tell you about my two dogs. But check out this post to give you an idea:

    http://apackalipsnow.blogspot.com/2010/04/todays-apocalypse-sign-shape-shifting.html

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    1. Wow! Yeah, I suspect my dog of being an evil spirit as his eyes glow sometimes.

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  7. So what's wrong with a little herpes between friends, although technically you're not friends, but hey ...

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    1. It's not fair. He can hide the herpes beneath all his layers.

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  8. Oh this was truly funny! Great post--really enjoyed it. :)

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  10. OMG, this is hilarious! I feel for you and your promiscuous friend but maybe he shouldn't get any of my sympathy since he's spreading rashes that wouldn't even exist if he would just practice some self-discipline and monogamy, lol.

    ~Nicole
    Blog: The Madlab Post
    @MadlabPost on Twitter

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad you understand my circumstance.

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  11. He's handsome. He can get away with it. Beautiful creatures can do anything they please.

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    1. Oh, he's a beauty alright. That's why it's hard to stay mad at him.

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  12. Ha ha ha! I find it funny that you specifically talked about this on my birthday. When my family had guests come over for my birthday party, my Demon Chihuahua went to greet each person and steal my thunder. It was MY party, dammit! Not HERS. :P

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. Exactly! The guests walk in the house and the dog is immediately in their face. The guest is left with no choice but to greet the dog first.

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  13. That's one sexy dog you have there. ASL?

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  14. I liked this post, however I am sorry to hear about your dogs whorishly transmitted disease. Hopefully, it won't be long before you catch it yourself - that way there will be nothing holding your relationship back anymore. Perhaps that's the key.

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