Wednesday, April 4, 2012

D is for Denunciation


Ever feel as though you’re underappreciated at work? Do you constantly receive slaps to the side of the head as your boss berates you for your poor production figures? If so, you’re in luck. I present the Denunciation Deterrent by Blackmail Package brought to you by Chiz Chat.

The Denunciation Deterrent by Blackmail Package (DDBP) is equipped with all the necessities to enable you to blackmail your boss and thereby preventing any potential for admonition and scolding. The DDBP includes the following materials:

Phantom Remote Access Program

 This is not enough!
With this invisible computer program, you can easily gain access to your boss’s computer history. Trace and record the revolting fetishes of your boss’s insatiable appetite under the radar to guarantee a deep-rooted blackmail. If your boss is careful in covering up his/her tracks, you can always plant some harrowing websites of your own into the history.

Pin-sized Spy Camera
Just post this baby up in a concealed area.
Ever wonder what goes on behind closed doors? Do you wonder what produces those ghastly sounds that reverberate from your boss’s office? Well question no more. With this easily concealable spy camera, you can record all your boss’s actions that go against company policy.

Adobe Photoshop Tutorial

It's as simple as this.
Do you have an unwavering angel as a boss in terms of morality? Learn to place the boss in the action with Photoshop! With easy insert here options, you can simply drag and drop your boss’s photo amongst preset backgrounds such as ‘hooker in the office’, ‘drug deal in the back alley’, and the ever common ‘dressed in drag’.

Order now and you’ll receive a complimentary transsexual prostitute to post up in your boss’s office! Don’t put this limited time offer to waste. Act now!

This is a fake product and is meant for humorous intent only. I’m a paranoid blogger; so I feel the need to write that.

31 comments:

  1. I already own this package so it can't be fake! :)

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    Replies
    1. Between you and me, I just put the disclaimer so I wouldn't get in trouble.

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  2. ha! this would not apply to any current boss, but I can think of a few bosses in the past that this might have worked with! where were you and your great inventions THEN???

    will be back to read more, can't wait to see what you dream up next!

    best,
    MOV

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I hardly see my boss so I can't complain. However, I'm sorry I did not think of this sooner because I too had a boss like this a while back.

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  3. Replies
    1. And, you can get it with 4 easy payments of 40 Monopoly dollars!

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  4. This post reminds me of an old boss. Then I saw the disclaimer — made me laugh.

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    Replies
    1. Ah, too bad I didn't think of the invention until now.

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  5. What if your boss IS a transexual hooker? And maybe you also are a transexual hooker? I meant, what if you have a "friend" who is a transexual hooker. (Dammit! I've said too much.)

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    Replies
    1. Wow, you've stumped me there. I guess you would just plant a... dead body in their office?

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  6. When will this product be in all the major high street stores? QVC?

    Loved this ad, reminds me of when I tried to sell my child on Facebook...I wouldn't really...I'd get a much better price on ebay.

    Excellent post Chiz! Can't wait for the next one!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks!

      I'm assuming within a month on the market, it will be available in all retail and department stores.

      Also, make sure you include shipping; you can charge a higher price for a child that way.

      Delete
  7. "Paranoia strikes deep,
    Into your life it will creep'
    Buffalo Springfield

    Now, that, that's out of the way -- sign me up!

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    Replies
    1. Oh, paranoid does more than creep into my life. And, I got you down for 5 orders; is that alright?

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  8. Ha ha - can I order one of those tiny spy cameras for my button hole please?

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, I do not sell th individual products seperately. I'd be willing to sell you the whole package at a discount price of a box of Fruit Loops and a Charlestown Chew or something.

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  9. Oh it is humorous alright...I love the pin-sized camera!

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    Replies
    1. It's easily concealable and fashionable!

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  10. OH MY GOSH!! Ha ha Ha!! What a brilliant post. I literally was laughing out loud!! I didn't get the going price--what was it again??? LOL.

    Cheers, Jenn
    http://www.wine-n-chat.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you enjoy the product. I'm willing to sell the bundle for a 24-pack of crayola crayons if your down with that.

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  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Crap I accidentally hit remove content, and I don't know how to get you comments back. Anyway, yes, I will gladly accept your offer.

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    2. This was what the accidentally deleted comment said:
      "I've got a box of Luden's cough drops and a half-eaten head cheese sandwich. Deal?" - Ach du lieber

      Delete
  12. Awww...I had my credit card ready!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I mean, I'll still take a credit card if you want.

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  13. The photoshop looks so professional! I love it.

    Visiting from A to Z.

    prose-spective.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Yeah, I use Adobe Photoshop Elements 10 with a tablet and stencils... or Paint.

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  14. I must own this! How much?

    *Throws money in the air*

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    Replies
    1. A blank check will do just fine.

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