Tuesday, April 3, 2012

C is for Cat Profiling


Cats are masters at profiling.

Now, before you hire a hit man to murder me for my insolence, let me explain. Be ignorant of me to say, but I believe dog lovers are not born into that lifestyle. Instead, they come into such beliefs due to cat profiling. It’s obvious that cats have a smug sense of universal awareness. Cats, having that false sense of superiority, believe that they can break down a human’s convictions based on outward appearance. Therefore, they think they can tell a dog lover apart from a cat lover which is not the case. So, in their ignorance, they automatically profile certain people as dog lovers, although that person may not have a preference at the time. But, since these cats display hostility towards what they believe to be dog lovers, these profiled people begin to express the same hatred towards the cats which therefore categorizes these people as dog lovers.

It’s simple scientific observation really. If you are savagely scratched and bitten by a homeless man at a young age, it is without question that you will become critical of hobo encounters and may act callously towards them. Therefore, you are automatically categorized into the homeowner lovers group.

It’s the same logic, just applied to cats. They are ignorant due to their pseudo intellectual characteristics.
Get your filthy hands away from me, DOG LOVER!
Now, I’ve come to somewhat tolerate cats as my girlfriend owns one. Despite the constant covert ops attacks and luring techniques to cause harm unto me, I have managed to look past their ignorance and accept them. It’s not their fault that they are raised into such biases based on outward appearance.

34 comments:

  1. No matter their bias or prejudice I like cats...on the BBQ.

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    1. Is there a lot of meat on their bones?

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  2. Cats are evil. Naturally I have several dozen. I give them out as evil gifts, and sometimes I throw them at people who annoy me.

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    1. You should definitely invest in a CATapult. It makes it easier for you to hurl cats in your neighbor's windows.

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  3. Hey Chiz, first time visitor and great to meet you . I think cats are all up to something. Conspiring together. They're quite about it, but someday they're all going to do something in unison and we won;t be able to stop it.

    Stephen Tremp
    C0-host A to Z Challenge

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    1. I complete agree. The animostity they showed towards one another is but a fascade. They've got something hidden up their sleeve... or fur coat.

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  4. I'm with you. Dog lover here. I'm hoping to visit all the blogs on the A-Z Challenge in April.

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    1. And I assure you, it wasn't by choice.

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  5. As an owner of cats, I have found this to be true, but I love my cats!

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    1. They're judgemental, but I can't deny the fact that they're so fluffy.

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  6. I had a dog, a big fat one. Super lazy. She would wait while cats scoped her out and came to the conclusion that she was too fat and lazy to get them. They were wrong. Yes, we did try to shoo the cats away, but they never listened - because they're cats.

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    1. That's one smart dog. Those damn cats were overconfident as always.

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  7. When I was a kid and we stayed at my relatives for Christmas their white cat (appropriately named Spook) would torment me every night by sneaking up on me by way of their ping-pong table and jump on my face...in the middle of the night. Unless I was all the way in the sleeping bag I would get the face attack. It scarred me for life regarding those sneaky bastards.

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    1. My girlfriends cat does the sneak attacks as well. It wait for me to get out of my car, then it flies out of a bush with its claws extending. Frightening little things.

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  8. At one point I had 10 dogs and 2 cats and the cats totally ran the house. I was never a cat person, but my ex came with one and unlike any I had ever met PITA (Pain In The Ass) was sweet, loving and fun. Then POW (Piece of Work) found me one day and decided I was her's and has lived with me since. She thinks she is a dog, so it all works.

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    1. Haha are those the cats' names. That's genius if so.

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  9. LOL I had a cat that was an expert at hiding under furniture and taking swipes at bare ankles walking by. I think the reason I don't have a cat now is because I don't want to compete for leadership :-)

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    1. Yeah, the heirarchy at my girlfriend's house goes: her, the cat, and me.

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  10. Why has it taken the A-Z Challenge for me to come across your blog? I have rectified this mistake by whipping myself, several times daily and reciting the words of Justin Beiber...backwards...and until my ears bleed...

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    1. Awesome! Thanks for following! I've been a fan of your blog as well; so it's good to be recognized.

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  11. I don't like cats because I find them boring. Last year, I rescued three of them. Sometimes I forget I have them. My dog, on the other hand, is all about adventure and cuddles.

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    1. Yeah, you can literally leave a cat outside for days, and it will then waltz in one day like it never left.

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    1. Yes, but they are very judgmental.

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  13. How's the Shiba Inu taking it?

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. Well, I don't live with my girlfriend so there's not a problem. The one time I brought my shiba over there, the cat began spitting at him and hissing; so we had to seperate them in different rooms. Of course, my dog was oblivious to what was going on.

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  14. I was attacked by a cat when I was a kid and almost had my eye scratched. Now I have 3 cats instead of 3 dogs. Oh dear - someone profiled me wrong!

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    1. Oh damn. Hmm... I don't have a scientific answer for that.

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  15. I hate cats, mainly because I'm allergic to them. Being the evil denizens of hell that they are, they love to rub up against and jump all over me, as if they know about my affliction.

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    1. Yeah, my girlfriend's cat makes me get rashes. Although, she says it's because the cat has poop in his claws and it infects me everytime he takes a swipe at me.

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