Monday, March 5, 2012

The Disappearance of Books and Why I Kind of Give a Fuck


With the release of the Swindle and iPaddle, bookstores across the nation have been closing at an alarming rate due to their inability to realize that they should’ve jumped on the eBook bandwagon long ago. But, it’s not like literature is at a decline as the Kindle and iPad allow for easy access to billions of downloadable books. So, why do I give a fuck that paperback book are disappearing? Because I like carrying that thing around with a big, fat bookmark complete with glittery tassel accessory shoved ¾ the way into the book. Why? Because it serves as a statement. It shouts: Yeah, I’ve read through most of this book which means I’m pretty much better than you.
The beanie and scraggily beard says, "Imma rape you," but the book says,
"Imma do it softly."
Isn’t that why people to read after all? So, they can have the satisfaction of becoming the center of a conversation by throwing in a “yeah, I’ve read that in a book before,” “the book was so much better than the movie,” or “I don’t really watch TV” (all of which are usually not the case). Wait… That’s not why people read? Ah, well I’m going to continue with my rant because I got nothing else to write about today.
For the past month I’ve been trying to locate the second book in a trilogy I’m trying to complete that’s, so far, coming up to no avail. The only bookstore I know of is the tiny bookstand at the train station by my workplace, the same one where I bought the first book of the trilogy only to discover they won’t stock up on the next two books in the series.

I miss the large bookstores where you couldn’t walk a foot without an employee beating information out of you in order to assist you. At this bookstand, the employees look like they read books. In fact, they are full-blown hipsters so they must right? Yet, when I inquire about a book that is usually world renowned, they give me an enthusiastic “iunno wuh tha’s” to which I must politely respond, “what the fuck is that central processing unit mainframe supercomputer in front of you for?” This standard process usually ends up with me leaving the stand empty handed with a lack of effort on their part. It makes me want to remove their nonprescription glasses, poke them in the eyes, and fart on the cash register.

But, Chiz. Why don’t you order the book yourself? Because technology scares me, and I’m lazy or some shit. I don’t know just; let me finish my argument.

Now, I have to buy a Kindle. How the hell am I supposed to let people know I read with a piece of hardware they can easily be mistaken for an Angry Bird gaming console? Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever bought a book that shatters on impact when I drop it.
My favorite book is Netflix.
Bah, futuristic, space technology scares me. Sophistication is all I ask for. 

P.S. I got a new layout for the blog. If something irks you, let me know and I'll fix it. Also, if you know how to center the Header/get rid of it, feedback would be appreciated.

14 comments:

  1. Hey Chiz dude...you should be able to edit your header code and make it wider. 1100 should do it. Go into your design editor and get to it! Cause I like it and want to see it bigger...ha! that's what she said.

    Oh wait, your banner problem is that you don't have the VIP account with mybannermaker.com so you're pretty much fucked in that regard.

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    1. Hmmm. I think I did what you were talking about. I just stretched it out in paint. The quality got shittier, but hey, it's centered now. Thanks for the tip!

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    2. One more factoid...I make my own banners using my photos and paint.net...then you can do what you want. And paint.net is free so there's that...

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    3. I just checked it out. I'm definitely going to download it this weekend and get this baby fixed up. Thanks for the info!

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  2. Hey thats why I read your blog! To feel superior! and to be able to say "Yeah I read that blog before it was a TV show!"

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  3. Also, if you're caught in the snowy wilderness and need some kindling to start a fire so you can survive the night, a book is your friend.

    The toxic plastic fumes of a burning Kindle will kill you. Somebody really didn't think that name through.

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    1. Plus, I think they emit a low volume vibration that attract bears and pterodactyls.

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    2. Actually they picked the perfect name for the Kindle since Amazon publicly admits that they want to "burn all books." Just for that I said fuck Amazon and went and bought a Nook.

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    3. Yeah, they are an evil empire, but pretty soon they'll be our only outlet for getting books.

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  4. When I first heard of the Kindle, I scoffed at it. I thought it was a gadget for hipsters that would die out quickly.

    A year or two later, I bought one for Mrs Addman, and I was impressed. Now, I couldn't imagine a world where you'd cut down thousands of trees, pulverise them down into millions of tiny, white sheets, then put ink all over them. Just seems bizarre to me.

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    1. I truthfully do want a Kindle Fire, although I do miss being able to carry around a book and scoff at people. I'm probably going to get one soon since I like the idea of finding a book without leaving my computer because I'm lazy as shit.

      Yet, on the other hand, no one's going to put a gun to my head and say, "Hand over that book!"

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  5. Haha - I got my sis a kindlefire for her bday, and now i'm fighting with her to actually learn to USE IT instead of getting real books. I'm about ready to steal it from her.

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    1. Yeah, I will probably get one soon. I might as well just carry a random novel with a bookmark sticking out of it around with me and keep the kindle in my bag until I'm actually ready to read.

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