Monday, March 19, 2012

The Dastardly Evil League of Dastardly Evil Villains


Far be it from me to judge parenting techniques, but when I see a mother guiding a leashed child through the mall as if it was her own humanized version of the Westminster Dog Show, I can’t help but giggle like a fellow human being that similarly saw something laughable.
 Get up! The judges are watching!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for dehumanizing the human race into a mass of buzzing drones, but do we have to go about it so comically? Whatever happened to the slightly more indistinguishable forms of brainwashing? Suggestive billboards, scantily clad advertisements, songs promoting bestiality. Whoever is in charge of the Dastardly Evil League of Dastardly Evil Villains (formed in 1974) has really become impatient with the slow decline and dehumanization of society. I think we are overdue for a new villain to take the throne from Dr. Orbdork, The Doctor of Obviously Obvious Evil Doings (came into power during the Real World/Road Rules era).

That is why I nominate Professor Naivety and his shamefully malevolent invention of the Imperceptibility Cloak as new chairperson of the Dastardly Evil League of Dastardly Evil Villains. Not to say that Dr. Orbdork has not accomplished dumbing down civilization to an extent, but it appears that we humans have reached an impassible wall. I believe that Prof. Naivety realizes that we need to revert back to the olden days where Dr. Subtlety once reigned supreme.
Instead of increasing the gaming capacity of cell phones, we need to bring back organized dumbing techniques such as beepers and Saturday morning cartoon flaunting sexual innuendos too complex for children to understand.

The best way to pass the towering wall of impassible Self-awareness is not by pounding away at it with a wrecking ball, it’s by chiseling bit by bit through subliminal messaging and subtle dehumanization techniques.

Woah, I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. I just smoked a bunch of meth and woke up to this.

P.S. The reason my blogs are not as frequent as usually is because I’ve busied myself with a bit of a dystopian, sci-fi project. But, April I’ll be full force for the Blogging from A to Z Challenge. For now, I’m just trying to chivy between my novel and blog.

10 comments:

  1. wait that doesn't make sense to you now that your not on meth? crap! Is it weird I totally understood all that while stone cold sober?

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    1. I'm impressed. I'm also still jittery and got the cold sweats. But, I originally began this blog post with the intent of writing solely about leash people. Then, this happened.

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  2. I suddenly want to watch an episode of "Animaniacs" now.

    -Barb the French Bean

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    1. Yeah, those guys were quite enticed with subtly of giant chartoon boobs. The sexual innuendos finally make sense to me now that I'm older.

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  3. Finger Prince:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xmAC9Qu908

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    1. Wow, that one sailed right over my head when I was younger. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

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  4. New follower here. I'm trying to get a head start on visiting my fellow "A to Z"ers.

    Sylvia
    http://www.writinginwonderland.blogspot.com/

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  5. If I ever have children. I intend on using a leash like that but hopefully I can make a geeky reference in the process.

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    1. If you add a bell to the leash, it would complete the ensemble. Nothing's funnier than a child tugging on the leash while a bell jingles.

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