Monday, February 13, 2012

True Origin of a Hobo

Hobos. Creepy, scary, smelly. Human?

When you visit the city, where do most hobos resides? Sure, they live on sidewalks and back alleys. They nestle together in dumpsters and nudge themselves between small gapes. But, the most common place that one will encounter a hobo is in the subway. 'Tis so unorthodox ineth that articulation, Sen. Chiz? I'll tell you what's so strange, Shakespearean dude. In order to gain access to the subway system, one needs to pay an entry fee. Yet, hobos don't have the financial stability to sacrifice such funds. So, how do the hobos gain access to the city's underground transportation?

I've come up with a strong-standing hypothesis. It's quite obvious if you truly give thought to it: Hobos... are plants. How else could they be found in subways? The only reasonable explanation is that they grow within the tunnels themselves.

If that logic doesn't convince you somehow, then why do hobos smell like fertilizer? It's quite simple really. Most synthetic fertilizers consist of nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium. Nitrogen is present in essentially all meat and poultry products as well as milk. Phosphorus, also present in poultry, can be found in wheat and bran products. And, anything made from chocolate to beans contains potassium. Trash cans in subway systems harbor every one of these products, continuously emitting a natural fertilizer to which hobos are born.

Still not convinced? I'm not done yet. Copper is a fundamental nutrient of plants. Why do you think hobos are always asking for change? They can perfectly thrive off the natural fuming fertilizer from the subway; so, they obviously don't need it to purchase further nourishment. It's so they can stimulate their growth with the copper that can be found in coins. They are not necessarily approaching you to beg for the change; they are more so attracted to you much in the same that a plant is attracted towards the nearest light source.

Wow, you guys are still unconvinced? What the fuck? Ah, anyway. Here's another fact. Subway passengers breath oxygen, no? Well, when you're at least 50 feet underground, where do you think the oxygen comes from? All the trees lying around? Get real. The oxygen is emitted from the hobos that consume our carbon dioxide as nourishment. That's why you will never see a hobo in an area void of humans; it's because they must absorb our emissions. That is why we are able to breath so far underground.

So, if that's not enough to convince you ignorant people; then, I don't know what to say. I'm just pointing out the facts that lay before you. Do with them what you will, but I'm sticking to my theory.
Perfect growth conditions.

10 comments:

  1. There are no subways in my neck of the woods, but there are hobos. Regardless, i find your theory to be pretty reasonable. I'll support it with you. I mean, what other explanation is there. Stay smart Chiz. The world would be clueless without your educated hypotheses. ;-) Happy V-Day

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    1. Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention hobos sometimes wonder from subways to try to spread their seed...? Eh, it's science. And, Happy Valentine's Day!

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  2. I actually know this to be true. I was born in a cave as a fungus and then I broke the norm and got myself a job! Infact many people I know are desended from plant/hobos!

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    1. I'm glad that so many people are open to the science of the matter! Congrats for breaking the mold (pun intended).

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  3. Last year I was parked downtown waiting on someone, and we WAITED a good bit. It was nighttime, and while looking around, I notice these legs sticking up near this doorway. Yep it was a hobo taking a nap...

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    1. Being away from its natural habitat for too long, a hobo will rest frequently to conserve energy. Great observation! Keep your eyes peeled for more habitual actions from these wonderful creatures.

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  4. This explains why flies are attracted to them. Like flowers, hobos appeal to insects as they rely on them for pollination.

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    1. I knew my fellow bloggers would provide me with input to broaden my research. Thanks for the incredible observation!

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  5. Dude thanks for stopping by my site and joining the other loonies who think following me is a good idea. I must say you had me at "Hobos"...I think you may be on to something and thinking so far outside the box that it must be a circle is why I am here. Hobos may be plants but I think they are no more than weeds (on the intellect scale)...here in Dallas the hobos migrate to bridges and underpasses and seemingly take root in anything cardboard or styrofoam. I will look upon their species with a new and keener eye for their kind...but they get no fucking change from me! I'll be back...

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    1. Thank you for following my blog as well! But, I'm truly pleased with the incredible observations everyone is posting. Soon we will know all there is know about these strange creatures.

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