Thursday, January 12, 2012

Teenagers and Their Stupid Faces

I wish it was still legal for strangers to beat the shit out of teenagers. I mean I try not to have anything against teenagers because I was a little shit stain like them at some point, but I mean some just do some things that make me want to yank their fuckin’ stupid hair out.

While I was still working at the movie theater, Friday and Saturday breaks would be hell. I would leave the kitchen, and it was like wading through a sea of malfunctioning Furby dolls. I’d make my way upstairs to grab my 9th Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee of the day, and I’d pass by these groups of teenagers lying in the halls. And, I know what’s going to happen. One of the fuckin’ cool kids is going to try and start a conversation with me or say hi or something gay like that. And, sure enough, one of the little flapjack fucks says hi to me, and all the girls giggle. And, all I want to do it grab the little shit by his neck fat and throw him off the fuckin’ balcony. But, I keep it quaint and politely tell him to go fuck himself to which they are for some reason stunned by, like they’ve never heard that response before.  Then they’d continue on with their fuckin’ stupid conversation about how their parents are letting them stay out until 11 that night.

I finally make it to the Patriot Place plaza located next to my theater to grab some Dunkin’. I proceed to shove my way through waves of tilted flat-brim hats and hooded tough guys. I enter Dunkin’ and the teens are there waiting in line. Usually, anyone ahead of me in line at Dunkin’ Donuts is automatically on my shit list; the fact that they are sucking up my air talking about how Sarah sucks a lot of peepees just makes them a bigger threat. Then one of the tough guys leans to his posse and exclaims, “I need to get in a fight, man. I haven’t been in a fight in like a week.” To which his fellow pickle-smoochers reply, “I know, right? I need to kick someone’s ass too.” Then the images start flashing through my head. I grab the nearest solid object and hit the kid really fuckin’ hard in the head. While, his friends scatter by the blood-spattered, crazed look on my face, I grab my medium blueberry iced coffee with milk and sugar that’s already waiting for me at the counter because I’m a frequent customer and drag the kid’s corpse to the parking lot. Once it hits 11 o’clock, I search for the child’s parent or guardian to squeal up to the curb in their Mercedes. I then proceed to squish the teenager up into a ball and shove him through the driver’s side window. I then clock back into break and continue working as a slave behind the line.

Unfortunately, I come to and I’m still waiting in fuckin’ line behind these pricks. It’s not fair, I wish I was an old person in that era where it was still socially acceptable to throw a disrespectful teenager at a bunch of parked cars. But, then again, I’m also acting like the person I hoped I’d never be like. But, I accept it, it’s just part of growing up to hate the generation that comes after you.

Man, I think my posts are getting more violent.

Anyway, shit like this is what I'm talking about. I mean I wish Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, was the bus driver instead of this poor old lady. He wouldn't stand for this shit. He would relentlessly unleash people's elbow after people's elbow on these mutha fuckas. Tossing seats around like they were twirling batons. /disengage rage.

Alright, sorry for the lackluster post.


  1. Don't be sorry. Your only regret should be that you only dismembered the posing little shitsticks in your head. Next time, make it a reality.

  2. Im a teenager and im sorry you feel that way about all of us, but I wish i was a teenager in the 80s or 90s instead.

    1. Ah, no need to apologize. I posted this when I was an angry young lad. I have to remember to delete all these crazy old posts.