Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Letter to Mansfield Commuter Rail Parking Committee


Well, I had another post in store for today, but the surprise $50 parking ticket greeting me after a hard day’s work has given me an opportunity to write something of substance. It shouldn’t have been a surprise seeing the ticket considering I instantly knew what it was for, but having dodged a ticket after paying less than the $4 for parking fee at least 43 times allowed this violation to catch me off guard. I’m not mad though; I paid the check instantly (after failing to locate a phone number to harass them), and I’ve learned my lesson. Yet, I still feel as though I should give them some advice as to how to put the money I gave them to good use. Welp, here we go.

Dear Mansfield Commuter Rail Parking Committee,

Any minute you will be receiving the $50 I made out to your name in the mail. First off, I want to thank you for not paying for the postage since I needed to buy stamps anyway. It was very gracious of you to remind me of my chores. Anyway, I digress. Since you will be receiving my $50 along with several other violation checks, I think I should have a vote in what you do with the money. So, here are a few suggestions:

1)      As aesthetically pleasing the crater-filled, dirt/gravel parking lot is, it would be nice to maybe have a section or two of it paved. I know in today’s economy it was cost at least $40,000 per square foot of cement, but if you pile up all those violation checks, you might be able to reach this goal. It would be worth the $4 every day to have the sensation that I’m driving on solid ground and not a pile of dead bodies. Also, I wouldn’t have to leap over the pond that permanently occupies every spot. I will miss the trees growing in the middle of the street, though.

2)      Maybe you could be courteous enough to place a change machine somewhere in the vicinity. Even if you charged a dollar to use it, I’d still be a frequent customer. I mean, when I think parking lot prices, exactly $4 is what comes to mind. The only reasonable price that asks for the most amount of one dollar bills. What better way to entrap the common working man than to ask the price that’s hardest to maintain. Why don’t I ask the cashiers inside the station for change, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you why in this next suggestion.

3)      You can easily just use my check alone to fill the cash registers with enough money to ensure everyone receives proper change for their ticket purchases. Having lost roughly $20 due to not receiving the proper change, I feel it necessary that you address the problem with having change already in the register when you open. I know that it sound like an outrageous plan that has never been attempted in any business before, but it might be crazy enough to work. However, I do find it humorous when I ask for change, and the alcohol-soaked cashiers point to the tray harboring $4.75 in nickels and dimes on the counter when my change due is $8. But, all jokes must come to an end.

4)      Another possibility is that you could expand the lot. I’m sure the run down foundations located feet from the parking lot is running at about $1 million an acre; so, this proposition may be out of the question. But, when I saw that you checked of a $25 additional charge on the ticket for not having a residential pass, it begged me to question where exactly are the non-residential parking spots located? I visited this lot many, many times in my life and have yet to see a single spot that isn’t marked with a “Residential Parking Only” sign. Maybe, this neighboring, multi-million dollar plot can be bought to make some non-residential spots, maybe?

Ah, well. Those are just some ridiculous propositions that I have for you guys. I know all these suggestions are out of the question due to their ludicrous nature. But, if you someday find the funds to pave the lot or provide easier access, it would be wonderful and I know my $50 has been put to good use. But, seeing as these proposals are beyond your grasp, I’ll allow you to spend it on catered lunches for your office provided by Taco Bell. I hope you guys don’t get a stomachache, though L.

Thank you so much for the life lesson.

Sincerely,

The Guy Who is going to Find You and Throw a Spear into The Soft Spot of Your Fuckin’ Head
I outlined what appeared to be Satan watching over the Mansfield Commuter Rail.
This explains everything.

4 comments:

  1. Satan's in league with the rail companies? That explains everything.

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    1. Yep, along with Bad Horse, Skeletor, Dr. Evil, and Meryl Streep.

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  2. We as a sociaty are so backwards to how we do things... I wouldn't be surprized if they spent that $50 in the silliest way! (over time for a guy who half asses his job all day long!)

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    1. Very true, or perhaps we're pitching in for the office ice cream party?

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