Monday, January 16, 2012

Hipsters and Their Superior Knowledge of The Universe

I hate when you are having a conversation about the complexities of the universe and how it came about, and then, a bow-tie wearing hipster fashioning thick-rimmed glasses comes over steals the spotlight with his "superior" intellect. This is how this conversation usually pans out:

Average Joe: I mean, it could be possible that there's a greater power guiding evolution.
Average Jane: Hell, I believe in a divine being of some sort.
Average Joe: Maybe it's our curse to never discover the truth.
(enter Hipster Demetrius)
Hipster Demetrius: I heard you're conversation. You guys are just falling victim to the Pope and his media fat cats. Science is the answer.
Average Joe: Well Demetrius, everything's a theory. So, people are entitled to their opin--
Hipster Demetrius: Nope! Science is the answer. Listen to logic you simpletons.
Average Jane: I agree with Joe. Nothing in the world can truly be prov--
Hipster Demetrius: No! You're wrong. You guys are just crazy conservatives. Science is a fact.

Usually the conversation ends with the average Joes and Janes picking up the hipster Demetriuses and placing him in the middle of the street to which the hipster Demetriuses reply, "You're only mad 'cause you know I'm right." When the fact is that these hipster people are just so relentless and ignorant to other people's beliefs that they won't let them get a word in edgewise for fear of being proven wrong. This eventually drives the regular, everyday people to commit heinous acts to these said intellectuals.

How can they possibly know that all theories are truths? Did they rope themselves to Stephen Hawking's wheelchair and blast off into the cosmos? Did they reach the edge of the universe and call of God's name to which their was no reply? I didn't know that these hipsters could so easily acquire this knowledge that is otherwise unobtainable to the rest of humanity.

They feel no need to explain themselves either. The only argument that farts out of their mouths is "logic." I mean, reason is applicable to many things in the world: You touch a hot stove; you don't do it again. You see a lion on the sidewalk; you run. When a child is crying in public; you throw it in a dumpster. There are many common sense situations we can apply reason and logic to. However, explaining the universe and all things within it with a single word is simply ignorant.

But, what the fuck. If these hipster's believe that they know the truth of the infinite reaches of space, let them be completely self-involved and continue believing their false sense of superiority. Their skinny jeans and beanies have limited blood flow; therefore, we should pity hipsters for it is difficult for them to process information in a correct manner.
I tried to write a funny caption, but this photo already speaks for itself.


  1. It seems unlikely to me that there is a God, but until science can explain absolutely everything as fact (and due to the beauty of science, it probably can't as there are so many theories bubbling around), you can't fully rule it out. Even Mr Hawking told us this, although he did say that there's "probably" no God.

  2. Yeah, I probably didn't word my blog too well. I respect everyone's view of life and such. I'm basically just ranting about those people who say, "God doesn't exist. Science is logic which rules all." Also, I don't know too much about Hawking; just figured he was the best person to bring into this.

  3. Hipsters drive me to distraction. They don't really "know" anything. Generally they have a few factoids and use them so as to appear intelligent, and they rarely are. So puffed up with their sense of self-importance they look down at normal people from the lofty heights of their own ignorance. I hate them.

  4. Wow. I could not have said it better myself, Anne. Thanks for the feedback!