Sunday, January 1, 2012

Fuckin' Crazy People!

Again with the fuckin' crazies. Two days in a row.

So yesterday, my girlfriend and I were at the gas station on the way to my friend's house for New Year's Eve. I walk in to prepay for a pump. While waiting in line, the man in front of me is asking the cashier something. The cashier was rifling through papers behind the desk when the man in front of me turns and pops the question. "Hey man, which way you headed?" I quickly attempted to point the direction that the man was hopefully not headed in. So, I pointed down the road. "Oh great, mind giving me a ride? I'm homeless." Leaving out the homeless part might have made this easier on me (at this point I should tell you I'm terrified of hobos). A series of uhhs and umms came from my mouth as I attempted to dismiss him in a manner that wouldn't get me stabbed. The hobo reached in his pocket and pulled out a wad of ones, lint, and cigarette butts, "I'll pay you."

"No. No. No," I replied as he shoved the wad of pasty ones in my face.

"I just need a ride a mile down the road." This is when it clicked. It's not that cold out. It stopped raining about an hour ago. If he needed to go down the street a mile, why couldn't he just walk? This mutha fucka wants my brand new Nissan Versa.

But, like the fuckin' retard I am, I blurted out, "Yeah sure meet me outside in a few minutes." While in the process of paying the cashier, the hobo proceeds to tell me that he owns property down the street (but he's homeless?) and the only thing in life is booze (while making a swigging motion with his hand). The cashier finally finished the process and the bum asked me whether he should accompany me to my car walk. I tell him to wait inside, and I'd pull the car around once I fill up. So I book it to my car and start filling my tank while nervously glaring at the hobo behind the doors. The gas pump was obviously pouring at an incredible speed of one drop per minute. Finally, I neared the end of the filling procedure and the pump started to slow down. I was 20 cents away from my payment when I saw the hobo making a move for the door. 10 cents, and the hobo is outside the door coming towards my car. I say fuck the 10 cents, and teleport into the drivers seat. "We've gotta go!" I shout to my girlfriend, and I peel out of the lot, leaving the hobo in my dust.

Mission accomplished.

At least I managed to escape this one, and although it's not intense as the last crazy, I'm recording it in the book.
Intense Photoshopping abilities put to work.
On a lighter note, today I encountered no crazies, and it was quite relaxing. Hopefully I can resume my normal rants by tomorrow. Anyway, kind of forced myself to write today after not updating in a few days. So sorry if the content is less than satisfying. I'll try to make up for it tomorrow

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