I was finishing up the last of my Christmas shopping in the mall. As I was wondering around sucking at shopping, I felt hungry; so, I decided to make a trip to the food court. I ordered from the Thai food place of which I am a regular at sadly enough, and perched my ass at a table. As I was eating and minding my own business, a little Mexican child of about 4 started pounding on the chair next to me while maintaining a dense, death glare at the side of my head. His mother who was about two seats away was facing the other direction, and like a good mother, ignoring that her child exists when he behaves like a psychopath. Anyway, after a solid minute of this, I glanced over at the child and flashed a quick smile and then resumed eating. The kid probably stopped for half a second before he started pounding on the seat again while not once blinking while intently staring at me. But, I kept strong and ignored him by reading some gay advertisement on the table. After about 2 more minutes of this, the kid finally stopped.
"Mommy, mommy. This man beat me!" he yelled. "This man beat me," he continued. His finger was fastened in my direction. Not knowing what to do, I continued eating and refused to give eye contact. After shouting for what seemed the longest 20 seconds of my life, the mother got up and then left. That's it. They just got up and left.
I looked around and caught glimpse of the people surrounding me, and most were giving me the "dese-niggas-is-crazy" look; so, I knew I was in the clear. Also, the food court was packed with screaming children so not to many witnessed the child trying to get me arrested for no reason.
I don't know what it is. No matter where I go, the crazies always seem to find me. I don't know if it's my cologne or the smell of my farts or what. They always seem to single me out of a crowd. These fucking psychos always find me!
Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and whatever other holidays there are.