Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Bitchy High Heels


Ladies, no offense but your high heels make you sound like a bitch. I mean on occasion it’s nice to see a woman dressing up and slapping on a pair of clodhoppers, but when you where them in a casual or work related environment, it just doesn’t have the same effect. I mean, a concessionist at the movie theater I work at (last day’s tomorrow!) wears a pair of high heels to work every day. There is nothing in the grimy, concession food industry that can justify you wearing these heels. It’s like I’m running to grab some flour or something for the kitchen and then I hear it. It start in the distance *clop… clop… clop.* I quicken my pace to keep ahead of it, but it only gets louder *Clop, Clop, Clop.* It sounds like a bitch is steadily approaching. Pretty soon I’m at a nervous gallop and, *CLOP! CLOP! CLOP!* The bitch is right behind me! I dive into trash room to avoid getting trampled.

I mean, she’s probably a very nice woman. I’ve never talked to her really. But, damn those fuckin’ high heels make it sound like she’s late for a Red Hat Society meeting. Every ‘clop’ echoes through the halls: *Move bitch, I’m right behind you bitch, Imma rape you bitch.*

And for fucks sake, don’t you dare complain to me about how much high heels bother you. It’s basically the equivalent of me attaching a mouse trap to my ball sack and bitching about it.

It's creepy how the crowd claps in unison as the models ankle bones are pulverized into a fine powder.

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