Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Sandman's a Dick


So, I’m almost too tired to write a blog post today. If I stop making sense (which is nothing unusual for me) ignore it. Anyway, my state of condition has actually brought about my choice of topic for today: an expression of my unbelievable hatred towards whoever it was that decided that America should start working long before the sun comes up.

Every morning I venture into Boston for work, the owls are still hooting and coyotes are howling. Now, I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure that colonial America used to use the appearance of the sun in the morning as a sign that it’s time to get to work. Fuck, our forefathers probably did the same shit. I thought we were supposed to be a progressive nation, yet we are subjecting ourselves to abnormal and probably unhealthy sleep patterns. How are we supposed to create more Steve Jobses when we are numbing our minds by lack of sleep?

I would prefer to wake up and see the sun smiling in my face and birds chirping: “Chiz! Chiz! Oh, what a glorious morning to make progress in your otherwise dull, meaningless life!” Instead, I got crickets and owls talking shit about me: “What’s this piece of shit doing up at this time? This is our time to chill and shit, and this muthafucka’ is ruining it.” Getting up this early isn’t only detrimental to my psyche but also the animals’ chill-time.

So, who the fuck woke up at 4:00am one day and said, “well, I’m up…” The only rational conclusion I can conjure up is that one day, Billy was frightfully awoken by the scariest dream ever. He couldn’t stand being in his house because it related too much to his nightmare. So, Billy got out of bed and went to work early. Billy’s boss, Barney, caught wind of Billy’s supposed enthusiastic willingness to start the work day early from the office fat mouth, Becky. Barney was so inspired by Becky’s account of Billy’s initiative, that he forced every other employee to come in at the same time. Surrounding companies heard that their competition was getting more shit done through this new initiative; therefore, they instituted the same fuckin’ shit, and it spread like herpes. Companies began fucking each other and had shit babies with dumb shit gahhh.

Anyway, I think it’s silly, plain and simple.

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