Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Movie Review: In Time

I get free movie tickets because I work at a cinema. Despite that fun fact, I’ve never felt the need to walk out of a movie… until was subjected to “In Time.”

I initially thought it was going to be a great movie. Justin Timberlake plays the main role, and there isn’t a thing he’s not incredible at. Well, at least that’s what I thought. As soon as the movie began and I heard JT utter his first line, I immediately thought to myself, “wow, Justin isn’t acting very well.” I think we have finally discovered the one thing that JT isn’t good at. That is acting in this particular movie.

I also figured it was a pretty original movie idea. However, I realized that I already think of currency in terms of time. For instance, I bought Modern Warfare 3 yesterday and pooped my pants a little when I realized it is costing me an entire work day to pay for this (I got Elite cause I’m aweso—a sucker). So we can cast aside that notion.

Now, besides the horrendous acting, let me guide you through the rest of the reasons that drove me to prematurely leave.

I realize that clichés are unavoidable and sometimes necessary to convey a point in most movies. However, when entire dialogues are composed of nothing but cliché lines, it’s hard to take the characters seriously. The following is essentially the jist of most of the dialogues:

Fuck 1: “That’s a nice watch you have.”
Fuck 2: “I get that a lot.”
Shitstain 1: “Can you tell me the time?”
Fuck 2: “It’ll cost you a minute or two.”
Shitstain 1: “I got all the time in the world.”

I’m sorry, but that is basically the formula to which every conversation was comprised of.

Aside from my distant stance from the characters, there wasn’t any action in the first 45 minutes or so I saw of the movie. It was the same conversation over and over again. Finally, when we made the decision to leave the theater, a chase scene commenced. Finally, this is what we’ve been waiting for. However, after the 20 second chase scene, a car careens off the highway and is brilliantly displayed in some of the worst special effects I’ve seen in the past decade. SciFi channel originals put more time into their graphics. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not an asshole who’s obsessed with special effects; I’m an asshole who is bothered by poorly constructed special effects.

I could keep going about the overall poor quality of this movie. But, my train’s about to hit the station so I’ll bottle up my rage and let it loose on someone’s dog later (I fucking love dogs; I would never do that).

Bottom line: Don’t waste your…time… on this movie.

Overall rating: 6 poofahts.

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