I picked my iPod out of the washing machine the other day. I read the dark error message on the screen that was clouded by the iPod’s newly acquired water stain. However, for a change, I wasn’t ferociously infuriated. I looked back on how many times the iPod should’ve been destroyed in the past:
- Whilst driving on the highway, I reached for my iPod that was attached to a wired cassette. You know, because such an advanced piece of technology asks for the company of primitive machinery to level out the coolness. Well, when I couldn’t locate the iPod, I decided to follow the cassette cord. To my surprise, the cord let out of my car door and into the harsh blizzard that was raging outside my vehicle. I quickly open the door while flying down the highway and reeled in my iPod which was somehow connected to the cassette. It was covered in snow so I brought out my technological familiarity and devised the perfect plan to blow on it until it was dry. And since I’m such a genius, once the iPod rid itself of all the snow forced into its hardware, it began working again.
- Once more, a trip through the washing machine, and in addition, the dryer.
- Multiple launches off of treadmills.
- Several high dives into varying depths of puddles.
- Torturous water logging from spilt beverages.
- …and the general wear and tear that comes from high altitude drops onto concrete,
Anyway, I was ready to say goodbye to my courageous iPod. I couldn’t blame it for leaving at this point after all I had put it through. So, I did what any good person would do, and I laid it to rest on the floor in my room. Hours passed. Much television was watched. But it was 4am, and that meant it was time for bed. So I ventured up to my room and saw the lifeless shell of a once brilliant piece of technology. I picked it up to give it one more look… when all of a sudden. The iPod awoke from its slumber. A beam of light projected from the screen, and I had to shield my eyes. Once they had adjusted to the glow, I stared down and my iPod was already playing Don’y Wanna Stop Me Now. It was then I discovered the most indestructible matter in the universe.
Now, I propose this my friends:
In the future, after we are discovered by a more advanced light form and become extinct after the 20 day world war. The Earth will be void of everything… everything but cockroaches fashioning sick iPods. So, whatever matter these iPods are fused with, why not inject it in the human skeleton. Think of the new extent of the human condition! We will understand true and everlasting life! No longer shall we worry about the future! We will rule the present!
Yeah, that’s all I got today. Sorry.