Thursday, November 10, 2011

Big Trucks, Big Wheels

Being a man who drives a Nissan Versa doesn’t exactly elevate my manliness factor to the highest degree, but as you are about to see, these big, rustic pick-up trucks aren’t the epitome of manliness either. Now, don’t get me wrong, carpenters, construction workers, landscapers, and other such workers have every right to own a pick-up truck. In fact, they need it. But, it is a select few people who completely ruin my image of people who drive trucks: Those who purchase trucks to boost their “manliness.” Here’s what I mean:

Picture a college student by the name of Chet. Chet is an over-privileged child whose parents pay for everything. Chet hates gays and all races. To assert his manliness and compensate for his lack of social skills and penis size, Chet uses his parents’ money to buy a big ass truck. This truck guzzles 3 gallons to the mile and, by itself, contributes to 7.3% of the world’s noise pollution. But, despite the economic and  environmental issues that accompany this slow moving hunk of machinery, Chet takes pride in his truck as he scoffs at all the sedans and hatchbacks that speed by him on the highway has he pushes his truck to the limits.

Why does Chet feel he is entitled to such superiority of mankind? Because trucks prove to be the iconic symbol of the physically embodied working man. Even though Chet works part-time at his father’s company filing papers, Chet wishes to include himself in this group (One can see this as an extension of my Northern Redneck rant, but it’s a case I must argue in its own).

Well let me tell you this, my car will last at least 100,000 miles more than any truck. My car gets 31 mpg. It can go above 60 mph. I don’t need to compensate for shit. Therefore, in the long run, my car will keep me financially stable while maintaining speedy access from point A to point B.

So all you assholes who think owning a truck automatically makes you the essence of manliness, have fun living in a pick-up truck down by the river. Plain and simple, if you don’t actually need a truck for the purpose in which it was created, stick to a car that will conceal your douche baggery and expenses.

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